Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

The Red Thread – How Anger Is Necessary and Powerful

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Anger is Power

Many is the time we want to yell fuck you to our ex-partners. And often we regret these outbursts later. And occasionally we let the anger sublimate into depression: anger turned towards ourselves. On of my friend’s used to tell me, “getting angry at your ex is better than getting suicidal. That’s when you’re so angry at yourself, that you’re thinking death is a acceptable alternative. It’s not. Anger is the energy that helped me transform my life and get back on track.

Expressing anger can come in many forms. You have to find what works for you. How you get in touch with your mad-ass self and then channel the fire towards something positive, that is the trick. Some of the things that have worked for me.

  • Writing the anger letter to your ex (a letter you never send, by the way)
  • Writing a blog (anonymous to avoid the kids getting a hold of the vitriol)
  • Doing martial arts (getting thrown and throwing someone are both great exercises)
  • Going on long walks with hard rock in my earbuds
  • Talking to a therapist or friend about the injustices and dumbass moves your ex is making


  • Anger is power.
  • Anger is your own business.
  • Anger is never to be used as a weapon or a means to get your way.
  • Anger needs to be discharged away from your kids.
  • Anger can be expressed in small bursts, directly at the offending party, but…
  • Anger about your divorce is usually about your feelings and should not be brought into the relationship with your co-parent.
  • Anger can transform your depression into forward momentum and healing.
  • Respect anger and use it wisely.
  • Anger must be discharged and let go. Don’t let anger rule your mindset. Don’t become an angry person.

Here are the RED posts (anger transforms) so far.

Check out The Hard Stuff page for more and the black pages for some poetry in this vein.

image: a thread of hope, creative commons usage