i am, i can, i will, pause
[from a second wave – poetry]
i promise to space out my love letters to you
over months, years, etc. onward
i’ll remember to pause
to breathe
to ask
i know i am full of myself
i drop emotional land mines everywhere i go
and when someone is tuned differently
my enthusiasms can be disorienting
i cannot withhold
i won’t silence
the flow
magic
love
but i can hold the spaces in between
the inhalation
the pause
the release
the quiet
i’m comfortable
awaiting
what’s next
without trying to figure it out
i’ve learned this
over many years
i do not know
i cannot see what’s next
i only see you
and feel me, now
and it is this i attempt to capture
shining a light on the sliver
of hope
the shiver in my soul
is like a tuning fork
i hum when i resonate
i will sing songs
always
i will profess my love with a touch
and
i
listen
it is not all about me
never is
it is not even about “we”
something bigger is at play
supra super uber meta
i listen on all channels
and when i’m in the zone
i can cease the flow in my mind
of words and melodies
and absorb
you
i am
a
learning
a
patient
individual
really,
i am
10-23-2014
image: une petite pause, sophie & cie, creative commons usage
glistening
[from a second wave – poetry]
the sound of you
the feel, touch, taste
in my imagination
we are floating together
in the ocean
sun, sand, waves
that coursing sound
in our ears
and hearts
i hear your echoes
even from this distance
even before we’ve met
i hear you
in here
(touches chest)
and sometime
nearby
i will touch yours
and listen for
resonance
of joy
10-22-14
image: ocean spirit, philip male, creative commons usage
where you are not
[from a second wave – poetry]
somewhere somewhere anywhere
you are
i am not
and i wish i had a clue
to your location
and state of mind
in this somewhere where i am
i am missing something essential
like a mineral or nutrient
or warmth
i see images, films, fantasies
but i haven’t found my way
my self
my footing
i believe i have clues
potentials
i know i have nothing
it’s a feeling
an emptiness
and this moment
makes it clear
this
here
where you aren’t
where you could be
if the clues were simpler
it is not simple
here
peaceful
easy
feeling
and
not feeling
here
10-21-14
image: still from Lost In Translation
permanent word loss
[from a second wave – poetry]
yet another love poem
pay little or no attention to the details
drop it, delete it
forget that i’m writing to you
as i have gotten further removed
i have begun speaking in poetry
i’m sorry
it’s like an illness
this affliction of dropping words
cutting away any story
and looking for clues
in letters and sounds
i just like the way you feel
and i’m sort of waiting
for someone just like you
the you that i imagine
and write sonnets to
in hopes that some translation
is going to gain purchase
somewhere in the labyrinth of you
and light up some resonant response
like a call and answer
if you don’t comprehend
please don’t worry
let everything go
10-20-14
image: musical chairs, garrett coakley,creative commons usage
burning up in prayer
[from a second wave – poetry]
she’s probably here
in the organic grocery store
if i could just send up a flag
rebroadcast my tinder beacon
if she were receiving my vibe
indications are that she is not
but i search amidst the kale
and organic bubble bath
what, you don’t drink the water
breathe and release
smile in joy smile out hunger
i’ve survived like this for years
at a time
many years, even when married
or in a relationship
i have adapted my wants and needs
i’ve sublimated almost all of myself
and grown a bit more relaxed with myself
i still have my ambitious moments
and I reach for a star
and today i’ve learned
to give back the outcome
to release the hopes again
like embers of a fall bonfire
and on perfect nights
i can lose myself
and i can no longer tell
which is dream, and distance
and for a time long ago
and which are heat and light
burning up in prayer
10-19-14
embrace
[from a second wave – poetry]
a cloud or a heart or a whim
my mind and soul follows the day
either there is light and energy
or there is not
i turn towards the light
like a sunflower
soaking up
praying for
giving thanks
today i am the sky
all else falls away
there is no time for anger
the frustrations of progress
are all just strivings
let’s fall back
roll on the grass or down the hill
watch the clouds
today is ours
a sacred space
i create for me and you
embrace
10-19-2014
image: clouds, nikica beograd, creative commons usage
organic sweetness
[from a second wave – poetry]
i can see it in your eyes when i say hello
i’ve already done too much
i’m not your type
i’m too old, fat, conservative, square, something
or is it you
jaded
unhappy
unwelcoming
i can’t tell
the smile whipped of my face like a slap
as you looked beyond me
into “men”
and your experience of us, them, me
i’m okay being a ‘no’
but do you have to give a twist of the knife
this simple theater of the sexes
we play everyday
she’s trying to look good
but not interested in being appreciated
what then?
for her eyes only?
for the eye of her mate, or potential
perhaps the glare is a defense mechanism
i’m taken
my boyfriend
don’t touch
don’t ask
don’t tell
i’m learning to keep my appreciations in my head
instead of smiling and giving smiles away
if it’s a threat, i’d rather stay mute
is that what we’ve become
as we wonder around the organic food store
little universes, or attack ships
warding off all incoming
incoming
anything
that’s not what or who we want
i can’t stop
can i
passing this gladness around
it’s my nature
i’m not trolling or fishing
i’m just happy
i’m expressing my “hellos” out loud
we’ve got defector shields up
and dating profiles on
and we’re filtering each other quickly
effortlessly with a swipe or a yes
and in real life
are we starting to do the same thing
yes, no, no, no, no, maybe
are we cutting our kindness and communication
for fear of giving the wrong signals
i get it
we’re like predators
always on the hunt
and you are a tasty treat
that much is obvious
regardless of your angry glance
but i am no hungry for youth or attitude
i’m not prowling and pouncing
in this jungle of juice, apples, and hand lotion
i’m just here
looking for sustenance
appreciating a form or two
forking up some kale salad
and a sparkling italian water
with citrus flavoring
don’t you wonder what the “natural flavor” is
if there’s something more natural or unnatural about it
and I wonder that about you, for a second
as you pass your glance and scowl across me
natural, unnatural, organic, or commercially processed
and from the lulus you might appear to be a yogini
but there’s very little zen
in your upper class attitude
the designer leggings fit nicely
but the real creamy center
the part you’re supposed to be working on
in savasana
appears to be sour
i pass
i dream
i smile all the time
at old, young, pretty, and all
it’s my nature
it’s not about you
or your fantastic form
and the hollow mantra you must be chanting
10-18-14
image: savasana, amy, creative commons usage
actively waiting in your absence
[from a second wave – poetry]
i’m just sittin here watchin the world
go round an round in search of
coffee
seeing these lovelies
before their excitable jolt
and then seeing the transformation
it’s a parade
at 7 am
in a ritzy part of town
with high heels
lulus
working non-working
moms girls women ladies yoginis
and i have the catbird’s seat
by the cooler
with an eye to the pastries
and imaginary lovers
as they stream by
wouldn’t it be amazing if she smiled
rather than looked so serious
wouldn’t it be cool to not be looking
to be curled around my someone
rather than scouting for potentials
since losing you
it’s been a bitch
things don’t feel quite right
but
it’s clear it’s not you i’m missing
sorry
it’s the skin
the soul
the kisses
for now, i have this
i have a women in a perfect tennis outfit
a bit rushed
she must have a court time
nearby
she must be a goddess
or a fitness instructor
i can’t fall in love
really
with a dream
with a passing leg or strong-arm
i’m not attracted to the convertible
she came in on
but i do fall into hair
of all lengths and colors
and the pull of desire
to bury my face the damp garden
of magic smells and warmth
i’ve been alone for too long
i can tell when my chemistry is faltering
i need a hit of something
someone
and yet
i don’t want any of these women
i don’t know anymore
what criteria to use
or what measure of the soul
a body
in motion
is a beautiful thing
but it loses its gloss
when the light inside is dim
or diminished by anger
or too much pride
too fine a dress or heel
but without her
i know i am a shell
or a snake
in deadly wait state
ready to strike
against the glass of my cage
before i know
if i am predator or prey
i lie in wait
actively
seeing
seeking
and
arriving at patience again
now
and now
10-14-14
of course i think about you
[from a second wave – poetry]
i want you to dance
to feel
express
every
single
l. e. t. t. e. r.
words to sounds to body
6-16-13
image: head over heels, courtney carmody, creative commons usage
a late start
[from a second wave – poetry]
white convertible porsche
lululemon tennis gear
a pony tail and
an 11 am court time
on a working day
of course there’s a huge rock
and a beautiful smile
and an elaborate
cup of coffee
i could get used to this
if i were
young
beautiful
female
and well-married
10-9-14
eager for the game
[from a second wave – poetry]
i fell in love today 101 times
she’s not amazing or anything
but she’s playing tennis
and i’ve discovered that I love her
every time i return to the back of the line
and i look at her smile
and lulu-fit skirts
something occurs to me
as i’m falling in love
for the 73rd time
she’s just a woman
playing tennis
sure she’s young
she’s pretty and fit
and athletic
but it’s her inside out forehand that gets me
i’ve become aware
on the 84th time i fall in love
that it must be more about me
the smell of the fall air
and the thwack of the balls
that has me
head over heels
on the 98th time
i fall in love
class is almost over
and i’m aching to understand
if there’s something more to it
or if she could also be participating
i ask her a question
she is wonderful
happy, distracted, and…
just a young woman
playing tennis
on a fall afternoon
i am still in love
and will return on friday
to see if she’s as eager
for the game
as i am
10-8-14
bella
[from a second wave – poetry]
she was tan and fit and blonde
and too young
not really my type
but she was holding a tennis racket
as she passed i smelled Mexico
like a fantastic hotel room
breeze blowing in through the curtains
and the sand and ocean still on us
making love on a tired afternoon
burned from the close sun
smiles, tan lines, and laughter
10-6-14
image: tan, emergency break, creative commons usage
strength and softness
[from a second wave – poetry]
i see the smile
the mosquito bites on her back
the back of strength and softness
and desire moving away from me
and she waits
she stops and sips her coffee
turns and smiles at me
or the barista
it’s hard to tell from here
and it doesn’t matter
as the flutter has begun
it’s mine and mine alone
she is gone before she notices
anything about me
still she is smiling
in my mind
in my heart
of hopefulness
9-29-14
image: at starbucks, lokate366, creative commons usage
are you the one who passes by
[from a second wave – poetry]
are you the one who passes by
missing the gifts and glitter
i am tossing in your direction
are you the sadness i’ve lost
the thrill i imagine
the poem i keep writing
hoping
over and over
that you will
finally
show up
are you the one who shows up
and leaves the next morning
or even before the kissing has begun
and can you feel what as been left behind
have you any idea
what a chemistry like ours
what few chances we have
at this
this
this
this small moment
as we touched and parted
when you kissed and left
crushed, crushing, crush
i knew you were gone
before i had a chance to believe
you had actually arrived
and the things that changed
of course things always change
but these things seemed big
certainly bigger than us
bigger than a few days of electricity
and it was a pattern
it was a failure of the system
it was timing again
working away from our goals
and slipping us a little tongue
only to pull back and away
and gone
are you the one who passes by
missing
so much
missing
and missing
so much
9-23-14
image: student walking by, susan sermoneta, creative commons usage
i could fall in love with a dress if it shone in the sun
[from a second wave – poetry]
i could imagine the last kiss
and recall your words and grip
and the windy skies in the parking lot
before it all went to hell
where is that dress
the one i long to take off your body
where are you tonight
9-20-14
image: untitled, nathan o’nions, creative commons usage
be as beautiful as you are
[from a second wave – poetry]
buoyancy and energy
the highs of youth
and challenges going forward
if it’s youth you want
you’ll have to pay
for gravity defying breasts
another alteration of obsession
but the body is temporal
we change, fade, grow, bend
we move into new phases
of beauty and beautiful
if the light is out within
there is no fitness routine
no crossfit lover who can
help us respark our fire
this journey of love
life
aging
living
has its cost and benefits
we are alive but once
if we are complaining
and always wishing for more
less, other
we are missing so much
of what
is
be cute
be happy
be as beautiful as you are
at this very minute
nothing can change your joy
and nothing is as attractive
as the smile that opens
across your face
burns in your eyes
as we look at each other
in the fading twilight
and years of negotiations
with gravity and coffee
and resistance and sleep
there is more in your smile
then in a thousand youthful breasts
and yours are just as i like them
attached to your
sweet
joyful
soul
8-23-14
image: cancún, carlos mendoza lima, creative commons usage
joy or i’m gone
[from a second wave – poetry]
twenty women walk into the upscale coffee shop
i am noticing what is attractive to me
fitness, beauty, swagger
or is it what’s radiating or not radiating
from within
you can see joy a mile away
a feeling that’s coming off the happy ones
is dramatically missing from those
less joyful
and that’s more important than the fitness
underneat the lululemons
or the Porsche she parked just outside
shining and waxed in the sunlight
almost painful to look at
in brilliance, power, and lust
i am free here
to look
comment
imagine
and drink my Italian sparkling water
8-23-14
lost lady madonna
[from a second wave – poetry]
“lady madonna, children at your breast…” – the beatles
at the neighborhood pool
she’s here all the summer
with her bountiful beauty
and rosy-cheeked swimmer
they dance and splash
and cuddle in the shade
a mythic and sacred bond
that we men-folk can only observe
and be fascinated
and hungry ourselves
for such giving of love
and sustenance
in an afternoon reverie
just the two of them
lying on the bright-colored towel
beneath the heavy pecan tree
and light breeze
of course there is no place for me
for us men
in this ritual and rite
we can admire
even swoon
at our voluptuous wives
or, in my case, the wives of someone else
my time has passed
and my child is now here
hitting tennis balls with me
saying she’d like my girlfriend
when i find her
to have a young child
“it would be so cool”
imagining or remembering
the afternoons with the two of them
i never wanted to leave the house
never wanted to leave their side
give up my spot
go to work
miss the cuddles and naps and feedings
but I did
and they stayed in bed
and I returned in the evening
tired and ready to see them again
and sometimes there was dinner
sometimes we phoned it in
because all was surrounding the boy
and the magnificent breasts
8-22-14
image: escoltant musica a la playa, diluvi, creative commons usage
any muse will do
[from a second wave – poetry]
at the back of her neck
her hair is cut short
exposing the gentlest
and most delicious part
and her smile, though aimed away
is infectious
and her walk
and black shirt
falling off one shoulder
oh, but she’s young
they often are
these sirens
as she sips the coffee
and drops a few coins
in the thank you box
and gone
without a glance or care
towards my typing character
in some suburban library
tapping and internetting
and writing poems
to her
8-20-14
image: Il baffi di Anna (anna’s mustache), SCassandraALverde, creative commons usage
where to find me
[from a second wave – poetry]
i want you all over me again
so i cannot forget
so you don’t ever wash off
or grow distant, bored, tired
i’ll sing for my supper
and for breakfast, lunch
and some afternoon delights
on the horizon of our afternoons
still to come
can i ask you for more
is it too soon to hope for
for something
for love
for even more
yes
i know it is too soon
and i know i can’t ask again
i won’t surround you with kisses
even if that’s what i’d like to do
i’m sitting back
chill, i think you like that word
and it’s telling
no worries, all good, everything is happy
and we’re all fine
and we all fall in love all the time
and it’s not an issue for us
we’re just starting
some complex dance
or could it be
as simple
as
sex
that fits
that laughs
that holds no demands or judgements
could it be so easy
to fall into
bed
not love
just bed
and keep falling
for a long long drink
of the nectar that you bring
i feel myself getting stronger
in your glow and shine
in the smell you leave on me
all over me
8-18-14
image: bedzine, creative commons usage
new entry
[from a second wave – poetry]
if i were to write you another love poem
starting with touch, taste, smell, and sound
or your sparkling eyes
and smile
i would need new words
of boundless joy
and easy laughter
and some extra ingredient
like chemistry
like an experiment
in mixing flammables with more stable liquids
fluid and frictionless
some new lubrication
of lost expectations
or misplaced and misdirected
at the angle of entry
between us
8-17-14
image: absinth ritual, danielle blue, creative commons usage
pendulous motion
[from a second wave – poetry]
today my bed is filled with books of poetry
and speeding tickets
my head is filled with popsicle desires
and the most perfect breasts
i’ve ever seen
how are these things, these collisions
possible in my simple, subdued life
how did we get this far along
before ever mentioning we were starting
and with a quick inhale and push from the wall
we were underwater and overboard
with boobs and hair and rocking back and forth
in an expression of abandon
hopefulness
and sorrow
all in a mater of minutes
and a moment of hold, tighten, release
as i was getting dressed
i couldn’t help but admire
the craftsmanship of the figure
the honing and tapering of the crossfit
hot yoga afternoons and all kinds of other motions
only one mattered at that point
the departure
as we’d not be formally introduced
nor had the time to figure out
sleeping arrangements
or preferences
and the dog needed a walk
and the night air was finally
getting colder
as August
began to give way to fall
and waving from the sidewalk
i was still intoxicated with her smell
and the feeling of her
happiness
and
pendulous
motion
8-13-2014
image: yoga, adifansnet, creative commons usage
poetic naps
[from a second wave – poetry]
when a poet naps
strange things happen
in the prayer for the coming of sleep
his mind may wander to the
different words to describe
the falling of rain
the falling of october leaves
and falling in love
and binding some
theme in-between and beyond
as the words begin to fade
and shimmer into the next dream
without words
just sounds
images
colors
smells
and
falling
8-10-2014
image: irány a nap, attila miletics, creative commons usage
up and away
[from a second wave – poetry]
alter my state
break the language
into sound and tone
and help me escape
an endless afternoon
this summer heat
has pushed me back
inside and inward
i crave expansion
explosions and fire
shooting skyward
in multi-patterned bursts
i cannot take flight
alone
in need your friction
and fizzle
to ignite my day
and burn through the night
i have set traps
built altars
begun to mumble
incantations
to draw your flutter
to my flame
and now i await
amazed at the waiting
for what might arrive
and how you
first
appear
8-8-14
image: neither fish nor man, jewelry for sale on etsy, creative commons usage
