Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

Posts tagged “pause

i am, i can, i will, pause



[from a second wave – poetry]

i promise to space out my love letters to you
over months, years, etc. onward
i’ll remember to pause
to breathe
to ask

i know i am full of myself
i drop emotional land mines everywhere i go
and when someone is tuned differently
my enthusiasms can be disorienting

i cannot withhold
i won’t silence
the flow

but i can hold the spaces in between
the inhalation
the pause
the release
the quiet

i’m comfortable
what’s next
without trying to figure it out
i’ve learned this
over many years

i do not know
i cannot see what’s next
i only see you
and feel me, now
and it is this i attempt to capture

shining a light on the sliver
of hope
the shiver in my soul
is like a tuning fork
i hum when i resonate

i will sing songs
i will profess my love with a touch

it is not all about me
never is
it is not even about “we”
something bigger is at play
supra super uber meta

i listen on all channels
and when i’m in the zone
i can cease the flow in my mind
of words and melodies
and absorb

i am

i am


image:  une petite pause, sophie & cie, creative commons usage

she is silenced in my back pocket

iphone back pocket

[from The Black Pages – poetry]

she means nothing
she has taken everything
and given me nothing
except my silence
and wings and self
so i fly now without
a copilot
but i do still fly
and she is silenced in my back pocket

because I cannot stand her
beauty and sadness
and her voice
provides images and reflections
of loss
and new silences
depths i’ve never explored
near death
like sunken treasures
of my soul
she is silenced in my back pocket

as she has chosen
someone else’s hand
but she is always
she is forever
she means nothing
in little details
of who i am yet to become
what will fill the space
left from her leaving
i am throwing things out now
recycling books, memories, hurts
i am looking for perfection
this time

she gave me the heir
and the dowry
and each drop of blood
is mixed with her
and she will never leave
she is already gone
a call i can no longer take
a request
i am not ready to entertain

just this moment
she can be silenced
just for this moment
i return to peace
her buzzing
stops and dings
a siren
emergency that can wait

january 2013