she will remain beautiful and undisturbed
[from a coffee love letter – poetry]
out in the world of fancy coffee shops
new girlfriends walk in the door two or three times an hour
mostly they leave without acknowledging me
it’s okay
i can still see and appreciate her
even as she sits and reads a marginal book
look at those lips
and her imagination
and good choice of snack food
how much of her beautiful body contains god
how much god do i see in curves and legs and pulse
and once that fascination has run a course
where is the gateway drug
a passage into absorption and fascination
and engagement
that grows with time
as taut fights with gravity
and eyes weather with loving days
days of loving
how i could start with her
and awaking more than both of us
awakening a universal celebration
a dance of life and love and longing rewarded
she’s tapping her toes
in beautiful shoes
and smiling at her paperback
and i’m trapped here
in noise-canceling headphones
and a secret
tap tap tap
foot to words
dream to desire
to action
to ask
to
she is fine
just there
just as she is
she doesn’t need a thing
neither do i
i have it all
an instant could transform all this
this instant is not that one
she is here
she will remain beautiful and undisturbed
and i will walk out of this coffee shop
and escape my meandering mind
for the sky
and the sun
and
whatever’s next
6-28-13
image used via creative commons: woman’ feet
this potential
[from a coffee love letter – poetry]
i want her to be gorgeous and a rocket scientist
or a poet
nice shoes, not gaudy shoes
brown hair would be a preference, nothing more
i’d like her to see through my bs
to know that i’m not as confident as i pretend to be
and i’d like to be safe
letting her see that truth
would be a release
i want to let go
and to relax into her arms
to nap with abandon
and share the fruits and the labor
and to enjoy the play between naps and sleep
where is fearless love born
what is the heart of trust
that never breaks
nothing is more important than this
there are many variables
i have a range of preferences
but this is non-negotiable
to have been hurt and yet soar
to know disappointment and still reach for the stars
every great journey must start from here
if the epic quest is to find love
to know how to be loved
and to fearlessly ignite
and stand beside another’s flame
in awe and joy
at seeing a reflection of your hopes
at believing again in someone else
at losing objections
and laughing at obstacles between us
i hold you here
holding my own heart
as an outstretched hand
an invitation
to dance
something cosmic and unknown
to fearlessly let go of everything
to dream and lose the dream
over and over
until we have built
a bonfire of passion and burning of vanities
a stripping of defense
even desire becomes satiated
in you
in this potential of we
in us
6-25-13
the most beautiful girl in the world (a poem)
[from Misconfigurations of Love – poetry]
i once saw the most beautiful girl in the world
i stood beside her and talked to her
she was unafraid
i spent time with the most beautiful girl in the world
and i realized what got her there
was not something that was going to make me love her
she was centered and alert
but she was a bit too centered and alert
doors would be opened
corners would be cut
you could see in her style
that she was on guard
something was expected
the most beautiful girl in the world
actually became a bit boring after a while
she never paid for gas
she never offered her services
she wanted to be sure that no unspoken expectations would be met
i spent some time with the most beautiful girl in the world
and noticed she was not all that
her beauty was definitely more than skin deep
she was beauty through and through
and i was enamored
but i was not compelled to fall in love
there was a barrier that she enforced
she wanted something
love was not it
i saw the most beautiful girl in the world the other day
she was still beautiful
she was unaware of my presence
and in that moment I could see what was wrong
she was pained
she was hiding
she was alone
i left her there without disturbing her peace
the reverie i felt upon meeting her was spent
she did not want any further assistance
she did not need anything else
i left her in the aisle of the organic food store
looking like a beautiful and exotic bird
there are not many women with her dangerous looks
and haunting charm
and
something
missing
i felt a moment of desire for her
the most beautiful girl in the world
had to be clear
this was a business deal
there would be no exchange of affection
and she held me there at arm’s length
before the fantasy had a chance to emerge
she let it be known she was not interested
she would take my offer
she would offer nothing in return
for a moment, with the most beautiful girl in the world
that was enough
being next to her was refreshing
i would do anything to help her
for a moment, the most beautiful girl in the world was nearby
and she was within reach and within earshot
but i was told not to sing
i was given the rules
before a song was even imagined
it must be hard being the most beautiful girl in the world
of course the demands on her and desires of others are enormous
she had to defend herself
even before accepting my friendship
she had to kill the buzz
obviously it was my buzz she killed
she had learned how not to feel
she was suffering some deep inner pain
she was still beautiful, so beautiful
i could never understand that pain
she’s still around
from time to time i see her
still beautiful
still haunting and glowing in smiles and beauty
and something about her eyes
that takes me beyond myself
it must be hard
being so beautiful
in a world that feeds on beauty
that eats pretty young women
she must feel threatened
being so beautiful
is like being naked all the time
and there was no way for me to step close
without triggering the alarm
best not to even get started
with the most beautiful girl in the world
best not to even try
6-12-13
alight with desire
[from Misconfigurations of Love – poetry]
can you feel the wind blowing in your direction from me
does my smile come to mind from time to time
wishes and love poems cannot transform a light
i want a flame, a fire, a burning desire
and i’ll wait here awhile, stoking coals
and blowing kisses
6-12-13
you’re a song i want to sing
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
you’re a song i want to sing
a mode of being I want to embrace
you’re like middle c
a shore to my ocean
moving into and out of you
without touching
never, not touching
you’re a song i want to sing
in a key of life i’ve never known
and words are no match for the feeling
and the feeling is no indicator of the depth
there’s so little information
and yet, so much to the sweep and sound
of your voice, breath, breathing
like waves and whispers
you’re a song I want to sing
and i can’t decide where to begin
and that’s okay
you never end
as we drift and ebb
5-23-13
creating believing solo
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
i aimed another poem at her again last night
and loosed it like a prayer
somewhat unsure of my intention
less sure of who she might be
what she might like
there are no limits in pursuit
in anticipation of the join
i am full
and full of myself
in love
in this state
at the edge of the unknown
alone
with time as an unlimited resource
a currency more precious and rare
and even the idea of you
becomes a sail i can ride
a wordstream love jam of song
this is me creating
believing
solo
5-21-13
endless running
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
she opened her mouth like she opened her mind
i could not stay there
a language i did not warm up to
running, all this endless running
she was fit and pretty
and must have heard a similar discord
she paid, but didn’t return my texts
5-17-13
anticipating the rain with you
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
i am anticipating the ocean with you
the rain and the clouds
the sounds and the smells
of you
i am anticipating the touch of your hand
the taste of your lips
and how i feel when i think of being
with you
i am anticipating your next move
falling into step
and falling asleep
beside you
i am anticipating how you sound
when you laugh or moan
in an instant i can almost
imagine you
i am anticipating someone who can light the sky
silence the night
walk down beaches in the dark
holding you
i am anticipating the disruption of everything i imagine
of plans and hopes and dreams
now even more real than my hopes
about you
i am anticipating
5-12-13
i want to know again
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
i will find my next great love
there will be no trail of little black dresses
across the countryside
i will slow down the runaway train
i will listen
i am patient
i wait with intention
i listen and learn
even what I am saying I want
changes
and she will assemble for me
necessary shapes and smells
she will embody
i will find the next great love
and I will love again
fully
willfully
hopefully
without tether
actively seeking
i slow my roll
i clear and cleanse my palette
i get quiet and hollow
i can feel the emptiness
that once was filled
full
joyous and thrilling
she arrives when she comes
she arrives and asks me the tough questions
she had other plans
she opens just a little to see how I will respond
i am not waiting for someone to board my train
i am not looking for enmeshment
i am looking to stand strong and together with her
when she is ready to let me in
when the trust, and passion, and easy living of life
is too much to resist
she will be in my arms
and I will know
i have arrived
at possible
again
i had her once and lost
i will have her again
she is mine
she is ripe
she waits without waiting
she knows nothing
everything is an opening before us
and in the fresh air of the morning or the late chill of the evening sky
i can imagine what it will be like to be with her
here
in this moment
and she is fluttering nearby
she is sleeping
it is late
i cannot reach out to her just yet
it is too soon to tell
what kind of lover she will make
it is too soon to meet her child
it is too soon to hope beyond the doubt that awakens inside the hopefulness
it is too soon to give my poem an object
if we find a connection
and we both ask for more
if she listens and speaks
if her flame is brightening and warming
if i know anything, i know that i love well
and i will love her with everything i have
i do not hold back
i know that i will love well again
i know that the little black dress is a metaphor and a gateway
i am looking for that drug that never ceases to amaze
that cosmic mist
to come over our eyes and make everything sparkly
radiant
abundant
possible
i want to sleep, laugh, cuddle, caress on into my hundreds
and i’d like to do it with one more woman
all these sirens are confusing
i think i know
i don’t know
i want to know again
4-27-13
travel together
[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]
when she trained her blue eyes on me and asked
“are you checking me out?”
i knew i had been snagged
at a game i most definitely wanted to be caught at
and she smiled
“yes”
she wanted to know how she’d done
and her eyes matched her blue shirt
and her smile revved the tempo of my heart
for a beat
“you did quite well, i mean…”
the words are not what escaped me
i paused to slow down and savor the moment
“i was”
and though there was distance and a table between us
we were pressed as close together as we’d ever been
“i’ve discovered that adoration is what grows
over time… and that may be what love is for me…
adoration”
breathing
“and were you checking me out?”
“not when you first arrived…
not until I saw that you were checking me out…”
guide rails: physical touch and emotional depth
unexplainable chemistry: “I could look at you forever”
and when all concepts and frameworks fail
there
then
develops the opportunity
to travel together
begin
4-19-13
