Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

Posts tagged “love poem

fall window

off-fall-window[from a second wave – poetry]

out the window all i can see
is the places where you are missing
the changing of the weather
and reaching for warmth in the cold night
the early darkness
descending on my days of sunshine
i hope the world is happy where you are
and that you don’t feel the sting
of this fall evening
the smell of smoke fires
and the light
that no longer finds your eyes

11-9-14


maybe tomorrow

off-tennis-skirt[from a second wave – poetry]

for a minute
today
it felt like
everything might
fall
into place
for me
she was willing
we had a time
place
date
fresh cans of tennis balls
and as the hour
neared the storm clouds
blustered my mood
but didn’t dampen
either of our spirits
just the courts
“it’s wet” she texted
i wish she had been
talking about something
else
i missed the message
i arrived
to puddles
and her smile
“we’ll try again”
i asked
“how about thursday”
and more smiles
as she swished off
on her bike
into the storm
“sure”
shouted over her
shoulder
and tennis bag

11-4-14

image: nike tennis skirt, promo shot


forgive me if i go poetic

Screen Shot 2014-11-04 at 5.47.29 AM[from a second wave – poetry]

forgive me if i go poetic
around you
it is not that i’m losing my words
but that they are coming too fast
to keep track
kind of like speaking in tongues
some cosmic connection
fires up in my brain
like an emotional meteor shower
with words and images
coming to fast
to form coherent sentences
would be to miss more than i can bear
i could tighten the grip
come back to earth
and say something ordinary
but nothing in this world
has prepared me for this
the moment i let go
and really listened
and accepted
you
forgive me if i go poetic
it is what i do
when overwhelmed
or delighted

11-4-14


cherish is the word

OFF-professor-plum[from a second wave – poetry]

i cannot diminish your brilliance
as i sweep in underneath for support
and gentle caring
i leave no trace
nothing but air
and a pillowy feeling
in your chest
i swim in this air with you
and adore your moves
smiles
grins
even your moments
let me never forsake this beauty
in this moment
you are
the
priority
may you always feel this way
and me continue
cherishing

11-3-14

image: professor plum evolved, the author, cc 2014


a step towards you

[from a second wave – poetry]

if we don’t step towards one anotherreaching-OFF
we will never get closer
if the connections are all jammed
with other stuff, obligations, chores
it is hard to find the language
between us
if there is anything
between us

so let me put a foot forward
in your direction
just to say hello
is there a coffee moment
in our futures
that could be fruitful and delicious

i’m going to put a moment
in the asking
and reach out
with
no
expectations
because
there are none to have
yet

11-1-14

image: let your reach exceed your grasp, scott swigart, creative commons usage


glistening

OFF-ocean-poem

[from a second wave – poetry]

the sound of you
the feel, touch, taste
in my imagination
we are floating together
in the ocean
sun, sand, waves
that coursing sound
in our ears
and hearts
i hear your echoes
even from this distance
even before we’ve met
i hear you
in here
(touches chest)
and sometime
nearby
i will touch yours
and listen for
resonance
of joy

10-22-14

image: ocean spirit, philip male, creative commons usage


permanent word loss

OFF-singer[from a second wave – poetry]

yet another love poem
pay little or no attention to the details
drop it, delete it
forget that i’m writing to you
as i have gotten further removed
i have begun speaking in poetry
i’m sorry
it’s like an illness
this affliction of dropping words
cutting away any story
and looking for clues
in letters and sounds
i just like the way you feel
and i’m sort of waiting
for someone just like you
the you that i imagine
and write sonnets to
in hopes that some translation
is going to gain purchase
somewhere in the labyrinth of you
and light up some resonant response
like a call and answer
if you don’t comprehend
please don’t worry
let everything go

10-20-14

image: musical chairs, garrett coakley,creative commons usage


organic sweetness

OFF-savasana[from a second wave – poetry]

i can see it in your eyes when i say hello
i’ve already done too much
i’m not your type
i’m too old, fat, conservative, square, something
or is it you
jaded
unhappy
unwelcoming
i can’t tell
the smile whipped of my face like a slap
as you looked beyond me
into “men”
and your experience of us, them, me
i’m okay being a ‘no’
but do you have to give a twist of the knife

this simple theater of the sexes
we play everyday
she’s trying to look good
but not interested in being appreciated
what then?
for her eyes only?
for the eye of her mate, or potential
perhaps the glare is a defense mechanism
i’m taken
my boyfriend
don’t touch
don’t ask
don’t tell

i’m learning to keep my appreciations in my head
instead of smiling and giving smiles away
if it’s a threat, i’d rather stay mute

is that what we’ve become
as we wonder around the organic food store
little universes, or attack ships
warding off all incoming
incoming
anything
that’s not what or who we want

i can’t stop
can i
passing this gladness around
it’s my nature
i’m not trolling or fishing
i’m just happy
i’m expressing my “hellos” out loud

we’ve got defector shields up
and dating profiles on
and we’re filtering each other quickly
effortlessly with a swipe or a yes
and in real life
are we starting to do the same thing
yes, no, no, no, no, maybe
are we cutting our kindness and communication
for fear of giving the wrong signals

i get it
we’re like predators
always on the hunt
and you are a tasty treat
that much is obvious
regardless of your angry glance

but i am no hungry for youth or attitude
i’m not prowling and pouncing
in this jungle of juice, apples, and hand lotion
i’m just here
looking for sustenance
appreciating a form or two
forking up some kale salad
and a sparkling italian water
with citrus flavoring

don’t you wonder what the “natural flavor” is
if there’s something more natural or unnatural about it
and I wonder that about you, for a second
as you pass your glance and scowl across me
natural, unnatural, organic, or commercially processed
and from the lulus you might appear to be a yogini
but there’s very little zen
in your upper class attitude
the designer leggings fit nicely
but the real creamy center
the part you’re supposed to be working on
in savasana
appears to be sour

i pass
i dream
i smile all the time
at old, young, pretty, and all
it’s my nature
it’s not about you
or your fantastic form
and the hollow mantra you must be chanting

10-18-14

image: savasana, amy, creative commons usage


a late start

[from a second wave – poetry]

white convertible porschetennis-latestart
lululemon tennis gear
a pony tail and
an 11 am court time
on a working day

of course there’s a huge rock
and a beautiful smile
and an elaborate
cup of coffee

i could get used to this
if i were
young
beautiful
female
and well-married

10-9-14


strength and softness

OFF-coffeeeshop-2

 [from a second wave – poetry]

i see the smile
the mosquito bites on her back
the back of strength and softness
and desire moving away from me
and she waits
she stops and sips her coffee
turns and smiles at me
or the barista
it’s hard to tell from here
and it doesn’t matter
as the flutter has begun
it’s mine and mine alone
she is gone before she notices
anything about me
still she is smiling
in my mind
in my heart
of hopefulness

9-29-14

image: at starbucks, lokate366, creative commons usage


are you the one who passes by

OFF-girlpassing

[from a second wave – poetry]

are you the one who passes by
missing the gifts and glitter
i am tossing in your direction
are you the sadness i’ve lost
the thrill i imagine
the poem i keep writing
hoping
over and over
that you will

finally

show up

are you the one who shows up
and leaves the next morning
or even before the kissing has begun
and can you feel what as been left behind
have you any idea
what a chemistry like ours
what few chances we have
at this
this
this
this small moment
as we touched and parted
when you kissed and left
crushed, crushing, crush

i knew you were gone
before i had a chance to believe
you had actually arrived
and the things that changed
of course things always change
but these things seemed big
certainly bigger than us
bigger than a few days of electricity
and it was a pattern
it was a failure of the system
it was timing again
working away from our goals
and slipping us a little tongue
only to pull back and away
and gone

are you the one who passes by
missing

so much

missing

and missing
so much

9-23-14

image: student walking by, susan sermoneta, creative commons usage


She Came On Like a Freight Train – The Woman Who Says “Yes”

OFF-yes-girl

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train, or a love crush barreling down on you.

My first Tinder crush went swimmingly and ended without a whimper. The poem (i could fall in love with a dress if it shone in the sun) was written about the final moments of this most amazing firework pop and fizzle of a relationship to-date. She was here, she came on like a freight train, and now she has passed by in the night without so much as a whimper. And I let her go. We let each other go. “Maybe for later, when your life sorts itself out a bit,” I said to her.

“I’ve always done this. I’ve always gotten into a romantic relationship right at the beginning of some huge change. I did it with my divorce, I did it when I graduated from college, and I was doing it again with you. But I’ve got to stop, this time. I’ve got to make a change. Something has got to give.”

In fact, for me, the poem was a part of the letting go process. What started out as three amazingly intense days of courtship, felt a bit too good to be true. And maybe it was. Or maybe the universe shifted, for both of us, and we needed to regroup, alone. That is certainly the case for her. And me? Well, I’m not sure if the relationship part of it needed regrouping, but I was aware of my tendency to stretch out towards someone, even after the connection was severed.

I love the wake up text. The little ritual of saying “Good Morning, Sunshine.” Just letting the other person know you are thinking of them.

It’s about being 50/50. It’s about being contributing members of the growing relationship. And when one or another partner drops out of the 50/50 partnership, it’s about stopping and listening to hear what is going on. In our case, her life had taken a wild and unexpected turn, like a rocket blasting off from the back of our collective freight train, once I had gotten on the same track with her.

Enough metaphor. She was amazing. She looked and spoke as deliciously as she texted and showed up in her best profile pictures. I could see through the styling, and honored the core brilliance that came out from the moment we met. And we met with great joy, in the middle of a huge bookstore, playing hide and seek. And she found me in the blank book section. “My favorite section,” I had texted her earlier.

“Is it appropriate for persons’s under 18 years of age?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“Is it the kid’s section?”

“No.”

“Literature?”

“Great guess, but no.”

I picked the meeting spot, she picked the game. We hugged and laughed in the sweet smelling area of leather bindings and blank pages. And we talked and talked and walked around the store for a couple hours.

“I really would like to kiss you,” I said, somewhere in the middle of the second hour. “I’m just letting you know that.”

She smiled. “I would like that too,” she said, with a sly smile on her face. I was blinded a bit by the direct sunlight, but I was already feeling a bit smitten. “In a bit,” she continued.

We moved our coffees and chat into a more shady part of the outdoor park, and continued leaping from books, to blogs, to writing, to food. She was a #foodie. I am not a #foodie, but I worked with #foodies for two years. We had a lot to talk about and a lot of mutual energy to fuel us along.

She reached out her hands at some point and pulled my face in for the kiss. She planted the kiss. She initiated. She took charge. And I went back in for a second kiss a few minutes later. Reciprocating. But alas, the mosquitos and sunlight were pushing us back inside, and when there was no place to sit, we decided to rendezvous, perhaps tomorrow.

“Yes, definitely,” she said. ” I’d like to give you a kiss after your first day at your new job.”

And we texted a few more times over the night. The next morning we picked up with the chatter. This is the fun of new dating. I love the wake up text. The little ritual of saying “Good Morning, Sunshine.” Just letting the other person know you are thinking of them. And it goes both ways. It’s a simple tap. A connection that requires little more than a willingness to imagine a relationship.

We texted a few times and spoke once over the weekend. This is from full-tilt boogie, three days in a row, amazing morning selfie of a kiss, and on to ZIP.

It’s like a virtual “good morning” kiss. Except, of course, you’ve just met. But still, there is a lot of potential in those little hellos. And she was a master of the flirt. She called me on my way to work, and we had a spirited conversation about sex, and kids, and relationships, and work. And we made plans to meet for a glass of wine after work. DONE. She was efficient, hilarious, and full of love and life. I was liking this development.

In all but one of my post-divorce dating experiences I have been the over-sharing partner. I have courted when perhaps I should’ve played coy. I have sent a poem when I might have been better served to just be quiet. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder, thing seems more like game playing as adults. If you like someone, tell them. If they like you back, jump in. She was certainly jumping in. And I was excited to see how things played out.

The wine bar date was no less exhilarating. Except this time I was anticipating the future kisses with mad fantasies. And she arrived looking like the smiling picture she had sent me earlier in the day. She was radiant. And we jostled along in our second date, wine bar, “what was your day like” conversation. It was a moment between anything actually happening. We had exchanged some very intimate information via text and phone calls, but we still didn’t really know each other. Not at all. But there was a lot of energy and intention, and that was enough to set us both on a fast track.

In the parking lot, saying goodbye she kissed me, or we kissed, again. This time there was no casual innuendo, it was all kissing. And while it didn’t last more than a minute, I was electrified. Not by the kiss, but by the potential behind the kiss. Here was a beautiful woman, saying she was ready for a relationship, saying that she thought I was cute and funny and smart, and kissing me madly in the parking lot. And we made plans to see each other the next day as well. And we parted. I walked to my car with the lift of someone who’s been well-kissed.

That was the first real moment between us, and the last good moment between us at the same time.

As things would progress, I was fired the next day, due mostly to this blog. And that collapse of my plan, nearly cratered the relationship all in one fail swoop. But she wanted to give me a hug, and to support me in this massive bummer. We met. We exchanged some more information about our current state of unknowingness. She started talking about how she had no business getting involved with anyone at this moment… And then she had to go get her daughter. We kissed awkwardly in the parking lot, in broad daylight, in a hurry. And she’d let me know her schedule over the next three days was going to be mad. So we parted in this semi-unresolved, semi-unstable place.

And then her life changed dramatically as well. (I can’t tell you about it, or I’d have to shoot you.) And I saw her smile and her texts almost drain right off my phone. The communication went from 80 mph back to a full-stop in a hurry.

I went with my “hold on loosely” strategy. Pinging, but not over pinging. A couple messages without any requests or commitment. Essentially I was supporting her in this new opportunity. And she was going with it, and full of her life. We texted a few times and spoke once over the weekend. This is from full-tilt boogie, three days in a row, amazing morning selfie of a kiss, and on to ZIP. Nothing? It was painful. It was also understandable.

The poem I was writing over the weekend to try and give a love poem to frame the joy I was getting into. Of course, the story played out, the poem went unfinished and then like magic the story completed to resolve the poem without the need for another letter.

I am ready for the dress in the sun. I am hoping there will be an intelligent and attractive woman inside who is also ready for me.

She had come and we had sparked. When we talked on the phone this morning, it was to say, “You were awesome, the timing is not awesome.” And I told her the poem was a capture of that amazing moment in the parking lot. Full of promise and potential and all imaginary. And now the poem was the answer, the complete story of us.

i could fall in love with a dress if it shone in the sunlight

I did start falling. And she let me. She responded with a “yes.” And now we’ve moved back into our individual stories, to see if at some time down the road our romance would make more sense. But we were both happy, when we spoke today. I was so glad to have rubbed up against her at such an amazing time for both of us. And we may or may not ever see each other again, and that’s okay too. But the poem captures the full experience for me.

I am ready for the dress in the sun. I am hoping there will be an intelligent and attractive woman inside who is also ready for me. This time, I got the dress and the girl, but the timing was amiss. But she gave me a taste of what things might look like when someone DOES show up, and that someone IS ready for a relationship.

Sincerely,

The Off Parent
@theoffparent

back to On Dating Again

related posts:

image: girl in the beach, bruno caimi, creative commons usage


i could fall in love with a dress if it shone in the sun

OFF-blackdress

[from a second wave – poetry]

i could imagine the last kiss
and recall your words and grip
and the windy skies in the parking lot
before it all went to hell
where is that dress
the one i long to take off your body
where are you tonight

9-20-14

image: untitled, nathan o’nions, creative commons usage


joy or i’m gone

OFF-bubbly

[from a second wave – poetry]

twenty women walk into the upscale coffee shop
i am noticing what is attractive to me
fitness, beauty, swagger
or is it what’s radiating or not radiating
from within
you can see joy a mile away
a feeling that’s coming off the happy ones
is dramatically missing from those
less joyful
and that’s more important than the fitness
underneat the lululemons
or the Porsche she parked just outside
shining and waxed in the sunlight
almost painful to look at
in brilliance, power, and lust
i am free here
to look
comment
imagine
and drink my Italian sparkling water

8-23-14


where to find me

OFF-smallbed

[from a second wave – poetry]

i want you all over me again
so i cannot forget
so you don’t ever wash off
or grow distant, bored, tired
i’ll sing for my supper
and for breakfast, lunch
and some afternoon delights
on the horizon of our afternoons
still to come
can i ask you for more
is it too soon to hope for
for something
for love
for even more

yes
i know it is too soon
and i know i can’t ask again
i won’t surround you with kisses
even if that’s what i’d like to do
i’m sitting back
chill, i think you like that word
and it’s telling
no worries, all good, everything is happy
and we’re all fine
and we all fall in love all the time
and it’s not an issue for us
we’re just starting
some complex dance
or could it be
as simple
as
sex
that fits
that laughs
that holds no demands or judgements
could it be so easy
to fall into
bed
not love
just bed
and keep falling
for a long long drink
of the nectar that you bring
i feel myself getting stronger
in your glow and shine
in the smell you leave on me
all over me

8-18-14

image: bedzine, creative commons usage


new entry

absinth-flame

[from a second wave – poetry]

if i were to write you another love poem
starting with touch, taste, smell, and sound
or your sparkling eyes
and smile
i would need new words
of boundless joy
and easy laughter
and some extra ingredient
like chemistry
like an experiment
in mixing flammables with more stable liquids
fluid and frictionless
some new lubrication
of lost expectations
or misplaced and misdirected
at the angle of entry
between us

8-17-14

image: absinth ritual, danielle blue, creative commons usage


up and away

Screen Shot 2014-08-08 at 5.41.36 PM

[from a second wave – poetry]

alter my state
break the language
into sound and tone
and help me escape
an endless afternoon
this summer heat
has pushed me back
inside and inward
i crave expansion
explosions and fire
shooting skyward
in multi-patterned bursts
i cannot take flight
alone
in need your friction
and fizzle
to ignite my day
and burn through the night
i have set traps
built altars
begun to mumble
incantations
to draw your flutter
to my flame
and now i await
amazed at the waiting
for what might arrive
and how you
first
appear

8-8-14

image: neither fish nor man, jewelry for sale on etsy, creative commons usage


wet

OFF-surfer

[from a second wave – poetry]

let’s get wet
and forget about the consequences
flood our senses
with cinnamon and scars

each inhale of you
i take another step
towards some cliff
of exhilaration

in the sun
your glisten
happy laugh
and arch of your back

this maybe the only moment
nothing before or after
can touch our now
nothing

but

now

and

you

7-19-14


goddess in a little black dress

OFF-goddess

[from a second wave – poetry]

home is what remains after our youth has passed
your beauty shines beyond what i can see
i have hungered for your voice, your lips, your smell
as you wrap words around my mind
hands around my hands
hunger into my flames into a blaze

if i wanted a model i would need a lot more money
and after it’s all been stripped away
a pretty face is also a burden
it’s not what i’m after, this youthful body
but the lust is primal, real, raw, and awakened by you
this is what is important
energy to build on, hopes to fan the flames
a deep black  nothingness that i fall into
without fear or clutching
let’s release the drug
that brings
everything
in
to
this

one

moment

 

it’s not what you look like, exactly
it’s what you feel like
how you playfully tear back the boundaries
aware of your power and unafraid
to sear us raw, blasted, exhausted, still

i know not what i ask for
it is the stuff of dreams
and magazine covers in checkout lines
and still
any breast will do, any heart beneath that is ready to open
any now

could be the time
you appear

6-13-14

image: moran atías, creative commons usage


it’s three o’clock

OFF-kissing-sand

[from a second wave – poetry]

once more i find myself alone
it’s not as if you could come with me
everywhere
that’s silly
but
it’s a thought

i take you with me
always
for now
you are the object of my desire
i guess that’s good and bad

if i’m obsessed then it’s bad
if i’m just romantic it’s good
if i’m unrealistic, of course i am
you are amazing
we
could be

and there is the rub
the pause
the caution sign
i know, i hear you, i understand
but i don’t have to like it

and of course there are things
that don’t quite fit
that aren’t quite right in my dream
of next generation us
because i have scars
i am willing
and waiting

if today
you said
i want to be with you
i know that i would smile
if today you said
i love you
i would feel a moment of

wtf
holy shit
wait, what?

but you don’t
and i don’t
so we go along
as you have asked
side by side
sort of

and then

isolated
as well

7-5-14

image: kiss me, sarah (rosenau) korf, creative commons usage


and the return message

[from a second wave – poetry]

it is best if i don’t tell her

if i keep my passions restrained
and her curiosity engaged
about what i’m doing
what i’m thinking
am i thinking about someone else

if she knows she’s got me
she can begin to relax
might be inclined to running away
we’ve been here before
and i learn
sublimate
quiet down

poems are abstractions of love
i cannot love her this much
in the time we’ve had
it is not possible
she must know this
but the romantic illusions
seem scientific to her
the words ring as declarations
and her independence is at risk

that’s not how i think about it
about her hips and kisses
she can be everything to me
and Aphrodite still has a hold
on the language and aspirations
even if she is just a woman
a plane woman
a beautiful and desirable woman
she is just a woman after all
the poems are sent to goddesses
as worship and prayer

i call for “her”
but i don’t know what she would look like
what it might feel like if my poem
were answered, embraced head-on
i’d like to try
i’d give it a go
i’m still calling out for something
more available and easy

and yet
i am here now
everything is okay and blissful
in some aspects
i am exactly where i am supposed to be
i don’t know what’s next
i dream and desire for more
bigger

resolution is not the answer
there will be no resolution
we, we will be, a work in progress
always in progress of compromise and desire
expectations that cannot be met
and others that are fulfilled with aces

i wait for now
poems offline and out of view
for fear of giving her reason to freak
to misunderstand a word of desire
a phrase of something other than her

and i get it
i kind of understand
but i haven’t experienced it
even with two artists as ex’s
i don’t recall any love poems returning
i wish for them
i ask the gods to send her

and what i have is her
enough
real and plainsong beautiful
the goddess in high heels is too much
and i become uncomfortable
shy even
or angry, i’m not sure which
for if the goddess really received
and my lyrics were true
all my desires, by now, would be filled

but that’s not what it’s like
that’s not now, or here, or her
in this moment
i want for nothing

her smile perhaps
her kisses
and dark liaisons
and the return message
“yes”

6-21-14

fantasybir_redflow-1

image: red, paul meulman, creative commons usage


the less i say

OFF-less-said[

[from a second wave – poetry]

the less i say
the more mysterious i become
but mystery is not my objective
illumination and light
are what draw me in
if i reveal too much
show my romantic side
i risk frightening you
i don’t know what that feels like
but i can imagine
and i can crave the same reflection
pulsing back at me
in waves of desire
and song
both expressed and telegraphed
through touch and taste
still we remain apart
quiet
distant stars
still connected by gravity
and the tides of our hearts
there is no accelerating this dance
without risk of injury
or loss of limb
please keep your hearts
inside the cabin at all times
and don’t hesitate to call
if you have questions

6-19-14

image: dark wave, elena lagaria, creative commons usage


the church of women

OFF-churchofwomen

[from a second wave – poetry]

in this fantastic moment of beauty
i am in awe of god’s variety and joy
in the aisles of organic kale, bree, and beer
the women are in bloom
colors and scents and smiles on their faces
as they plunder the produce
i roam because i am dazed
i think i want ice cream
i know what i want is not for sale

i ache with the absence of beauty
and the loss of that dream once spoken
and i weave through the stream
in search of and not in search of
i have no immediate needs
only fascination
and reverence

there is beauty checking out chocolate
and another with messy-faced children in tow
it’s not the who or why or who-they-are
it is simply the church of women
seeking whole foods and whole lives
and no amount of Haagen Dazs is going to bring back
the spark

i wander a brief moment longer
lingering in the ebb of life
and the endless variety
endless possibility
of this life
and that one
and another one
picking out bubble bath

6-14-14

image: misty in the flow, hermetic hermit, creative commons usage


rushing into

poetry of love and desire

[from a second wave – poetry]

don’t you want to go with me
fall off the cliff
slip your disco
feel that rush of new love
don’t you want to go with me
is there something else
that you’ve just got to do
instead of falling in love
is there something more critical
to your life at this juncture
don’t you want to go with me
what can i do to give you this thrill
there’s nothing like it
we’ve been given more chances
to feel and feel and feel again
to free fall back into the arms
to risk everything
and nothing
don’t you want to go with me
slip into something more comfortable
find happy
and the simple touch of kisses
not demanding, not asking
just planted on your neck
i guess i’ve kind of got my bags packed
i’m thinking i’m ready
i’ve really got no clue
this second rushes by
and i’ll try and say the comforting thing
as i reach for your hand
to jump

don’t you want to come

5-26-14

image: JUMP!, creative commons usage