just press play (a poem)
here we are
moment by moment
there are feelings of joy
exhilaration and madness
when the universe says: go
there is a tendency to press pause
as the feels wash over our bodies
a signal of truth or danger
internal radar scanning the horizon
pushing our pulse up nicely
our eyes sparkle with adventure
seeking the soft landing
the easy target
the vulnerable prey
the source of our affection
has mysteriously arrived
ready and quivering to join up
sync hearts and schedules
when she says yes
the choice will be binary
yes or no
breathe easy
pay close attention to your internal signals
join networks
enter encrypted passwords
show activity
open to the fall and the flight
that comes with elation
as alignments build towards escape velocity
this is your moment
what you’ve been seeking
let go of expectations and preconceptions
ask for the yes to enter fully
into both of your lives
it’s go time
jump out of the plane
into the unknown freefall
let go
be
here
now
just press play
9/16/21
+++
intoxicating desire
it happened without warning or planning
she was not part of our group
and yet
in a crowded outdoor bar with a few hundred people
we found ourselves kissing on the way to the bathroom
“don’t kiss me” she said 15 minutes before, 10 minutes after we met
as our friends swirled around us
it was as if…
“if you are in a room full of 100 or more people and there is one person
who connects with you, across the room, even before you speak…”
“yes,” they all said. “it’s a past life connection, you’ve been together before…”
and there she was
white jeans
curls of brown enhancing her dashing smile
and
i could not pull back
my instrumentation was malfunctioning
even as the warning lights were flashing
i soared higher with her
i strived to be more charming
to be kissed
and she invited me in
she asked me to go with her
“only once before,” i said, “have i been invited into a bathroom stall with a woman…”
she laughed
beckoned me in
i walked back to the bar
and waited
she came out and while washing her hands
gave me the signal again
come, and be kissed
come, and be my favorite person in the world
at this very instant
come and escape this moment with me
don’t worry or think about the danger
take your defenses down
but she could not hear the sound of my voice
i whispered ideas
she pushed back with random ideas
i asked or a pause
she leaned in closer
there was very little i could do… wait… that’s not true
i wanted to swoon
i heated up and wanted to boil over
i wanted what she was promising with her smile
i hungered for the passion unabashed that asked me to join her
in flight
and let go of everything else i knew before her
alone now, moments later, i’m spent
as if she’d pulled some vital essence from me
by kissing and sitting close to me
and promising to light up my phone with texts
i’m waiting
the screen is dark
i’m tired
i’m electrified
she opened a gateway
of unlimited danger and power
like a drug
i am drawn to her flame
and as sleep begins to arrive
i cannot say i am unhappy
i can only say
i await
yet another move
of her mysterious and intoxicating ways
i am altered
9-12-21
love loving love
[from strange horizons poems]
in this blistering pace of the day, this life
all that is missed or lost or unremarked upon
all the moments we didn’t stop
and pause in prayer of affirmation
what gets lost?
what loves go unfound
unspoken
ungifted
i am certain in my last days
the joys i have celebrated will out balance the dark times
or, i am certain
that given the chance
starting at this very second
that I could begin
to tilt the balance towards
more love poems
towards more love moments
towards love
period
pointing this direction of my life
i can choose my targets
i have opportunities so clear as this
given the choice
given this life, and this pause
given everything i do and everything i’ve yet to do
if i choose with intention
i can aim my arrow
towards a deeper appreciation
of love loving love
and being loved back
01/2015
in my blue bedroom
[from strange horizons poems]
there is a blue that binds us together
me an d u
a blue so blue
it hurts
my fingers
to t y p e this
just so you know
a blue that reminds me of the time without you
and beds and nights of ocean cool
and a blue so cold
so pure
it felt like i might be dying
with without you
or any thought of you
didn’t exist yet
in my blue bedroom
before u
arrived
3-9-16
alone for the day
[from strange horizons poems]
even the cold here is love
you are as close as bye
maybe sleeping
maybe leading a room of sleepers
maybe i’m dreaming this
you
us
how would i know
what point in time would waking deliver?
no one can translate the french
i don’t need words
only sounds
and this perfect glass of water
to remember
our triumphant
hello
just over a year ago
has the dream continued to rise all this time?
and the love
continued unabated and strong
how can i comprehend
this warmth you have wrapped around me?
and these dreams
made real
2-25-16
i can only tell you how much i love you in two languages
[from strange horizons poems]
it’s not enough
i know this
words don’t contain enough life, love, living…
they are just here
on the page
crying out to be with you
in you
feeling what it feels like to be next to you
i would give this second
and every one after it
to find my way back to your side
at this moment
you are moments away
and still
i can tell something is missing
as if a part of me
is strapped on your back
in your backpack
as you rush up the escalator
and into your day job
meetings
i will hold
this space
this empty joy
alone
until you return
and give me
back the piece
or at least rejoin
my heart
together
with
you
2-25-16
loving you in many distant cities
[from strange horizons poems]
as we rush apart
finding our niche
and comfort
to prepare a kiss
a pressed hand
a longing from across the room
i see
and miss you
immediately
knowing you are mine
here
and just a heartbeat away
and still i crave
your laugh
and sparkle
returning
soon
returning
forever
returning
joy
2-25-16
mvd2.0
[from strange horizons poems]
something about your heart doesn’t make sense
a desire beyond all desires
a part of your soul you don’t understand
but are drawn to
the thrill, the chase, the capture,
the loss, the love, the sadness
it’s all in there at the beginning
and if you spot the one you’re looking for
no amount of distress or baggage
will keep you from
giving it your best shot
communicating freely
loving wildly
being reckless
bold
don’t hold back when the winds of love arrive
the storm approaches and you can lean in
or run with the dust and rain
ours is the way of brave things
kisses like arrows of fate and joy and excess
piercing the veil
of loneliness
hope
and
desire
the poetry of desire has created the maelstrom
a belief in myself
in my power to call in what the universe demands
of lovers
and answering the call
who am i to hesitate
when the time opens up and says forever
i am good to go
perhaps for a year
perhaps for a lifetime
i have only lived this far
i do not know
but i feel
you have awakened the life in me
of potential and possibilities
lying together
side by side
strokes and cuddles
smiles
and groans
as we seek the hand
push back against the night
with laughter
longing
and
full
fill
ment
of
the
we
2-5-16
her surrounding love
[from strange horizons poems]
just above her wrist
there’s a sweetness
that only i know
a place behind her thigh
that i hold on to
and the left neck nibble
drives her to laughter
no matter what mood
might be passing through
i cannot imagine
a more perfect union
flawless in our imperfection
fitting in our wants
reverent in our needs
she keeps me in her pocket
when she leaves
she keeps me wrapped up inside
warm
2-1-16
image: framed, by Ed Illig ©2106, used by permission
more than a love poem
[from strange horizons poems]
a love day
to celebrate the year of changes
growth
kisses
and deep understanding
seeing you again today for the first time
i am reminded how easy you are to adore
that first laugh infected my heart
pulling me out of a slumber
brave and strong
aspiring to stand beside you
true
open
vulnerable
seen
reflecting back
brief moments of joy
and belonging
together
1-15-16
a love poem so big
[from the collection nyc m]
my hand
is stronger resting against the small of your back
my vision
brighter because of your warmth and illumination
this ease is not effortless
but won at the failure of many other paths and loves
what joy
your joy ignites
and smiles that smiles reveal
if i roll back the videotape
examine evidence of love in my life
even one year ago
my heart was pouring out love poems
my broadcasting network was crackling with energy
all theoretical
all imaginary, hoped for, aspirational vapors
i simply willed you into existence
by the force of my desire
a love poem so big
so open and honest
that you could not help but fall for me
the moment the last syllables crossed your lips
no sequence of words
no love poem divine
is capable of capturing the transformation you have brought
though i might try
over and over
to exclaim
love love love
is a word that pales in my mouth when i try to express myself
the ashes of my former lives are scattered seaward and wide
the nights of soul’s dark, no longer faced alone
and this very second
i know nothing
and everything
at once
and it began with a kiss from you
a signal
an opening
a fire
still growing in heat and light
this is what i mean but can’t say
with words
today
or tomorrow
or ever
7-12-15
image: race for a lifetime
, creative commons usage
may i be gentle always
[from the collection nyc m]
may i be gentle always with you
as i cradle your hand in mine
to support your living dreams
and dreams yet unborn
enthusiasms come and go
i stay steady as a sunbeam
warming at the touch
giving you a lift
stroke
glass of water
kiss
7-7-15
along the beach
[from strange horizons poems]
as her hand entwines with mine
i can see and taste the future joy
as an unending laugh
or ecstatic embrace
even as the sand is coarse beneath my feet
i know the softness of her love
the way she has cracked open my
everything
even things I did not know
have split open in loving her
the salt of her skin
the heat of the sun
still radiating from her chest
as she arcs into me
with
one
clear
yes
all in the clasp of her fingers
the squeeze and tickle
home i feel
beside her
inside
and outside
and along side
her
and her big heart
worn in plain view
with a quirky smile
and sparkling mischievous eyes
she has captured me back
taken some dream
and brought my little boy to life
and she holds tightly
and pulls us along the beach
faster
more joy
more love
more sun
if it feels like too much
at some moment
i pause
she stands steadfast
manifesting all she promises
adoring with intention
to be here
be present
and bask in some mutual
glow
this is everything
this moment
begins with each breath
as we walk together down the beach
once lost and alone
now full and close under the solstice moon
the art of holding hands
[from the collection nyc m]
how our fingers entwine says a lot about the state of our connection
someone who doesn’t hold hands well… not an option
if you know your love language is touch
the hands will be a bit tell for you
is there a mutual reaching out
does she touch back or pull away slightly
is there a grabbiness or playful flexibility in her
it tells a lot more about her than you know
and when you find the match
another empathic soul stretching for god
and the love found between two people
as a prayer and song of thanksgiving
the hands will constantly be seeking a join
a comfort and calm in the casual wrap
the playful hand within a hand
the single finger grip
or entwined one by one
it’s almost a roadmap for love-making
this holding of hands
between two people
who cannot physically get any closer
yet desire
some entry point, some warm wire of communication
that only a hand-in-hand can provide
plenty of love transfers over the air, the eyes, the sounds and words
but the touch of a warm hand, cold hand, dry or moist hand
gives entry
feedback
clarity
to the connection
and expression of another’s
sensual desire
6-25-15
the girl the girl the girl
[from strange horizons poems]
what if the girl arrived
what if the girl the girl the girl arrived
here and now
to let you know you were alive
to give you energy and rushes of blood to the head
and what if
she said
she would never leave
and she meant every word
to the point where you started believing too
and she listened to your poems
smiled
and said nothing
but her eyes burned with the understanding
the romantic expression
captured in her hunger and joyful gaze
even as she’s drifting off to sleep
now, this very now, right beside you
and the tap tap tap
of these words
and this poem
is music within some dream she is weaving
here beside me
and far away
and here, arrived
confirmed
loved
what if the girl has arrived
really arrived
here
she
is
6-15-15
and know i love you
[from strange horizons poems]
though i can’t see now
what i’m supposed to be
alone and happy
i don’t understand
how you’re not with me
was i dreaming
it’s not right with my world
i hope it’s right in yours
without me
it’s not okay with me
may you be okay and strong
without me
i was holding you
when it first revealed
you were leaving
there was no recourse
no rebuilding life
you’d decided – for me too
if i tell you now
that i love you still
would you hold me
now that you have gone
i’m in a better place
loving someone
and i don’t know what
the future holds
i’m rebuilding
if you hear my voice
just ignore the words
and know i love you
song idea: 6-14-15
the hunger
[from strange horizons poems]
in my hungry state i’m more agitated animal than man
lack of food or companionship get me buzzing a bit
as if each young woman is part meal part plaything
i know it’s not right
i can feel when all is not right with my world
and then…
in a flood of torrential proportions
the transformation occurs
in the act and arms and embrace
an alchemical phase change of every cell in my body
from a negative cool charge
i am flipped on
warm, hot, positive
only one thing can burn away the hunger
and the hotter the fire, the hotter the friction
setting electrons, every electron, in motion
reorienting towards due north
win
yes
home
when i am empty i roam the desert like a predator
full i become more kitten than killer
and in the seconds and minutes that follow the feast
a new set-point can be established
an imprint of what “really good” feels like
again
at last
finally
even just for now
enough
full-joy mode
1-20-15
image: headless lovers, ludo, creative commons usage
entwine and twirl
from strange horizons poems]
i want to fill your mouth with words
and your mind and blood with dangerous thoughts
passion run amok, the burning desire to rub again
into the feeling, the heat, the joy
a love poem that echos your name
will be what wakes you up every morning
in your arms i am powerless to stop the flood
the song, the symphony, the dreams
the now and here are alight with our laughter
and i only have to dip my hand in the flowing stream
of us
and the poems write themselves
this is what *we* feels like
an unhenging of doubht
an upending of sorrow
and the burning energy
at 3am
calling us to entwine and twirl
5-23-15
image: snowing, hernan pinera, creative commons usage
in her little toe i find an expression of love
[from strange horizons poems]
what if what if what if
the hardest part about this whole thing
this whole world wide living loving thing
is actually finding someone to love
someone to really pour yourself into
a flexible person who bends when rough patches arrive
comes at problems with joy and energy
to be joined in
not always understood or reasoned out
but just joined
and what if what if what if she is here
and this quest has been fulfilled in this moment
what then
what joy could burst forth
what symphony awaits
as we warm up our instruments
tune and retune
stretch and press into the heart
and then drop it all
to be together
close
skin
pause
repeat
dialing back desire
[from strange horizons poems]
let’s say the universe works in mysterious ways
and imagining that
what if a woman showed up
casually
asked to play tennis
not an ordinary woman
not just anyone
a friend
and let’s also imagine
the universe in her mystery
is also capable of delivering you
right at the moment you are ready
whether you think so or not
and just as you’ve said
pause
opt-out
the woman stands up
with a beautiful smile
and some historical knowledge
that could serve as a catalyst
a familiarity
even when whole lifetimes have happened
between your last greeting
so even before the first ball is struck
or skirt worn
there’s a flight of fantasy
a scenario of seduction
and being seduced
because
there is no waiting
no lines
and no other moment
like this one
what if
she’s showed up
because
the universe has finally spun a complete cycle
and brought you back to the restart
try again
listen, look, observe
what if there’s nothing
just an acquaintance
and some new fuzzy yellow balls
that is more than enough
just
the idea
has
potency
i am hopeful
even when letting go
this is no different
this is just a turn of events
a series of events
that hasn’t happened yet
release
there’s no hurry
even if she is the one
if she is
and
she’s here
why
rush
why
hurry through
this
magic
1-7-15
image: spent tennis shoes of the author, cc 2014, creative commons usage
easy escape for us
[from strange horizons poems]
let’s meet a new girl
and do some new things
find a new roll
open up some new veins
like a jazz song
in the middle of the night
when the music is so good
you can’t help but dancing
let’s do that together
see where it takes us
and find a weekend
drive to the beach
feel the heat and sand
crisp rough white sheets
and mediocre coffee
waking up your eyes
and our smiles
yes
let’s
12-4-14
she overtakes me
[from a second wave – poetry]
i saw the girl smile
and i can’t think of anything
to make it go away
so i try
for a word
or two
to loosen her grip
and imagine
we are swimming
off the coast of spain
without wifi
or proper beds
we’ve got pineapples
and guitars
and all the sunshine we can take
it’s in this moment
that I know
now
not to settle
for anything
less
than full-on
joy
and a smile
that simmers my mind
any and every time
11-28-14
image: beautiful women, ray lopez, creative common usage
imaginary you
[from a second wave – poetry]
word word word and more words
ricochet around my mind
until sleep becomes an aspiration
of course it is you i reach for
with line and letter
of multiplying
romance
and hopeful promise
of imaginary you
11-26-14
image: sueño de luz, jesus solana, creative commons usage
endless flight
[from a second wave – poetry]
word word word after word
pointed in your direction
aiming for connection
arousal
purchase
in search of
the yes
reflected
in answer
resonance
a glowing
inner smile
the secret one
left out only for me
if a love poem is set loose
and never received
it travels endlessly
away
without you
there is no towards
no object of affection
no snuggle or nudge
only the endless whisper
of words
revved up for someone
broadcast into the darkness
and never heard from again
how
sad
a love poem
errant and true
yet missed
11-19-14
image: arrows, robert s. donovan, creative commons usage
