somewhere she’s laughing
[from strange horizons poems]
i can’t imagine what she looks like
but i see her every day
her smell and smiles are everywhere
i can’t imagine what she feels like
my memory fades and ebbs
with time i hope to take hold
of someone with plans
someone with dreams and sparks
someone i can cheer on
and adore
i can’t imagine where she is tonight
but i’m writing her into existence
right now
where ever she might be
tonight
1-7-15
image: winter afternoon walk, cc 2015 the author, creative commons usage
she surrounds me now
[from strange horizons poems]
i’m going to sit here until i believe again
in honey and yogurt and girls
i’ve got plenty of italian bubbly water
with a hint of lemon
and wifi and a plug
so i’m good
but of course i’m not good
i had this moment
where everything came together
and love and god and everything appeared right
and now what, now where is everyone who loves me
in this passing throng there is love
in the eyes and patchouli laden scarves there is hope
she
she
she
might be nearby
she is probably puttering along somewhere
not to far away
i hope she is happy
but not too happy, i hope she’s looking for
someone
an ache of joyous proportions
that might bring us together
as the next year has dawned
and the rain has stopped
and even the chill has pulled back for a perfect night
and i’m here
contemplating
something sinful
chocolate or
i don’t know
it’s not some *thing* i want
it’s her
i can see pieces of her
as the happy couples stride by
hair
shining eyes
a smile and a laugh with arms hooked together
oh sure
i’ve known love
and birth
and death
i’ve felt it all
and tried to leave tiny trails of words or songs behind
so i might pick up the pieces at a later time
as if
even as i had it
i was aware that it could be
and it was
lost
something has survived
an idea
a hopefulness
i’ve always come back to every situation
on the flip side
opening up
attempting the repair
and tonight
i suppose
that peace needs to be made with myself
and the heart that beacons and beats
in some rhythmic cadence
of verse chorus verse chorus bridge chorus out
in two and a half minutes
i can make you fall in love
the hope, is with me, but i’m not picky
nor hopelessly romantic
far from it
the passionate vibes are being broadcast on all channels
laser hot and direct
only… there’s no focus
at the minute
at this minute
i am not tracking well
i claim to be listening, but i’m preoccupied with something else
a downward glance at myself
and the ideal i have in mind
i’m more flexible with her
she could come in many variations
i see that here, tonight
i have vast tastes in women
imaginary women, that is
up close i tend to overestimate beauty
or is it underestimate
i’m more joy-driven
more aligned with a spark of creativity
and flash of brilliance
and even in these words
i refind my path forward
she’s around
and busy with something else
at the moment
me too
1-3-15
resonance
[from strange horizons poems]
in many ways you are a visual poem
opening and smiling
greeting warmth with warmth
in my mind you are always nearby
as i hope for you in the coming days
to travel where ever you are
to here, where i am
to listen and hear my song
i need a new cello for the symphony
a new timbre in my life
resin and vibrations
chest pressed against me
i am missing you even now
as i curl alone
in this bed
composing you
hearing
breath
on my
breath
1-1-2015
image: cello, steven depolo, creative commons usage
love will find us
[from strange horizons poems]
like a vapor trail
today
i knew she was close
not here
but i felt her
in the chocolate aisle
and near the greek yoghurt
contemplating ph balance
and organic yoga wear
she shops alone
at whole foods market
of course she does
the intersections here
of everything we eat
drink and breath
the potently scented oils
the luffa sponges
and honey lip balm
and how will i time our arrival
or know if she’s vegetarian
or just paleo
does she bring her own bags
that last question was
silly
of course she has bags
that she will fill
with damp kale
and grass-fed butter
i’ve been watching
as couples, families, kids
bums, yoginis, hipsters
move in and out
watching their slow
descent from above
but so far i have been distracted
my research slightly amiss
until today
after i dropped off my daughter
and came here
to watch
watching is not fulfilling
but i have learned
more than you might think
about couples that fit
and others in transition
but most people are happy here
weaving through the healthy food
seeing other health minded folks
with money and time for fancy fruits
and bubble baths
made from dead sea salts
if it were up to me
she would’ve been seeking a pinot
just now
as our eyes crossed
smiled and asked
is there one you prefer
yes
12-28-14
image: wfm 2014, cc the author, creative commons usage
calling all lovers
[from strange horizons poems]
doesn’t your soul love to travel
isn’t your heart ready to soar
and in these moments when you are grounded
can’t you still taste the salt
remember the heat
and anticipation of a kiss
memory of the burning
and skin worn glow
12-27-14
image: secret kiss, kristen, creative commons usage
physics between us
[from strange horizons poems]
i’m keeping an eye out
and ear to the ground
putting my love on the air
crafting words and notes
running harder
eating less
hoping bigger than ever
and yet…
somewhere out there
she is feeling deeply
smiling happily in spite of it all
imagining romance will eventually return
hoping for the best
being mindful of her body and spirit
in a content place
like a positive and negative electron
we are already bound in our spiral
while our trajectories are unknown
their eventual intersection
is a matter of physical law
and time
plus energy
there is no waiting
there is action and motion
momentum and improvements
aspirations and accomplishments
joy and the awareness
of another’s love
it could be close
it could be far
the eventuality is certain
the anticipation is delicious
if i can remember
to strive less
enjoy more
and be
happy
alone
12-18-14
image: particle physics, kevin dooley, creative commons usage
dateless
[from strange horizons poems]
i’m struggling in the dark again
striving against feeling alone
and failing
it’s
a long night ahead
and how your ear should be curled about
and whispered into
sweet poems
and
later
a kiss
12-17-14
image: dark, ekaterina nosenko (katia), creative commons usage
dark falling
[from strange horizons poems]
i fell into the black hair of a woman today
and i couldn’t get back out
i followed her for a bit
but as she got into her car to leave
i knew i was in trouble
it’s not working
whatever i’m doing
the winter chill has arrived
and passed right through my bones
and the bed is colder and wider
than i can ever remember it being
she’s moved on
in some unknown direction
towards her loved ones and family
it’s the family time of year
and i’m stuck in the dark
whistling to keep myself company
wishing i knew some secret
for calling in a lover
or even a snuggle bunny
of course
i’ve sworen off the pursuit
of course i have
it’s easy
don’t feel
don’t think about it
eat well
see movies
work hard
and forget about the lump below the breastbone
there’s no time like the future
when she arrives
i’ll have to contain my enthusiasm
so as not to scare her right back on her way
it’s been a while
you see
not as long as i has been before
but long enough
that i’m beginning to thrash
and fall
into passing shiny lengths of hair
passing by
she could’ve been 100 years old
i only saw the sway and shimmer
of the deep place
where i curled up
in the seconds as she passed by
i can still feel my hands and feet
so i know i’m still alive
this is no dream
and i am still wanting
dark
seeping
feelings
and smells
of
a
woman
12-15-14
image: lonely places #3 – anticipation, leda carter, creative commons usage
shooting arrows at the moon
[from strange horizons poems]
i have work to do
and i’m thinking about women again
the absence of them, actually
in my life
in the romantic sense
i’ve got sister, daughter, niece, and mom
and not a single bosom to lay my head
this time of year
it’s a problem
or at least a hardship
of course, it is no different than last year
except i’d just come off a deep jag
with a beautiful young mom
who had a penchant for silences
and filling them with music videos
fancy meals and drugs
i couldn’t sustain
the celebration
long enough to understand or feel
how our connection might evolve
into a higher…
wait!
a more solid…
no!
it wasn’t about that
let’s be honest
she was 11 years younger
she was beautiful
she was willing
is there any further explanation needed
still
i would do with her comfort today
tonight, rather
and yet, i wait and hunger
with intention
it *is* the evolution i’m seeking
a transformation of some sort
of me
of my trajectory
and flights of fancy
my arrow is aimed at the moon
and i will settle for nothing less
than overwhelming joy
12-14-14
image: goldion moon, johnathan leung, creative commons usage
unanswered letters
[from strange horizons poems]
can a woman love as deeply as i imagine
do poetic phrases wash around someone else’s pretty head
can i be matched
will the song i’m spinning
be heard
answered
kissed back
as the vapor trails of my last lover
dissipate and dissolve
i forget
how good i can feel
smells and smiles
and moments
together
parting
missing another person
again
i seek
because i
feel
i call
because i hunger
for
her
12-10-14
i am i
[from strange horizons poems]
i don’t think i have made my case very well
either that or i’m not who i think i am
maybe a little of both
maybe you can’t see me
the me i am becoming
that’s the trick
we see who we want each other to be
we imagine who we’d like to be close to
and we just don’t know
from a distance we see
eyes
smiles
hair
figure
but nothing about the inside
unless you can look for that with your heart
i think i sense a person’s energy
their joy is either ON or OFF
mixed states are too ambiguous
i know who i am
i know what i’m putting out
but
i learn all the time
that i have a very limited understanding
of who i present myself as
what i’m putting out to the world in my mind
is different to what people (women) are receiving
maybe i think too much
maybe i talk too much
one thing i know
i think too much
so
today
release and relax
i am
i
alone
happy
transmitting on all channels
joy
12-10-14
image: the author performing in dec. 2014
afternoon fires
[from strange horizons poems]
there’s everything to love about a woman
and also plenty to fear
but let’s not get derailed
this is a love poem
where i try and find the word(s)
to describe the perfect
place
where i rest my head
on her chest
and breathe in
all that is woman
all that i can swallow
in gulps and gasps
but wait… that’s not it exactly
see… i’m taking a break
regrouping
reconfiguring myself
and still…
she walks in
sits at the counter of the coffee shop
and is magnificent
and
everything
even more arousing
than the potent brews being dispensed
that’s what i’m longing, pining, whining…
that’s what i’d like in my life again
just not now
some how neither of us are ready
and i’ve switched to water this afternoon
anyway
11-5-14
easy escape for us
[from strange horizons poems]
let’s meet a new girl
and do some new things
find a new roll
open up some new veins
like a jazz song
in the middle of the night
when the music is so good
you can’t help but dancing
let’s do that together
see where it takes us
and find a weekend
drive to the beach
feel the heat and sand
crisp rough white sheets
and mediocre coffee
waking up your eyes
and our smiles
yes
let’s
12-4-14
