Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

A Moment of Zen With the Ex-Wife

The disconnects with the ex-y are humorous sometimes. More so now that we are not married. While we were married it could lead to months of shunning from the one I love. But some points of contact/conflict can provide funny insights into the workings of her mind, and maybe continued contempt for me. (“If we can laugh about it later, we can laugh about it now.”)

First up is the continuous process of checking-in on the nights the kids are with the other parent. For my son, who has a phone and is almost always on Skype when he’s awake and not at school, it’s easy. My daughter, 10, is a bit more hard to reach. So often I’m left to txt the ex-y, asking for her to call me. And here’s the common response. (At least once a week she fails to deliver the message in time for me to get a phone call from my daughter.)


I can assure you that when she is not with her BF she is watching the texts. I’ve seen her at all kinds of events glued, laughing, and texting someone. So the idea that text on her phone didn’t light up her synapses… Very unlikely. But of course, this example is only 30 minutes. The response time varies greatly. Often I will ask for a call by say 7 pm and won’t ever get a ping back or a call from my daughter. She always responds the next day with “I’m sorry.” But it’s a pretty shitty passive aggressive move to prevent your kids from talking to the other parent. Get your business out of our business, won’t you?

But a really funny moment happened yesterday. Here’s the email I got in the morning.

my ex finds my glasses in her bed

I checked my spots and sure enough one of my two pairs of glasses was missing. We confirmed the color and yes, I had somehow dropped them at her house. She followed up with a question about how they might have ended up at the foot of her bed.

petting our dog

Whew! That could’ve been an odd moment. And here’s what happened next.

She said it was awkward because she had to ask her BF if they were his. Huh? So of the two pair of glasses I had while we were married you didn’t recognize one of the pair? Wow. Yes, that would be an awkward question to ask your BF, but even more odd that you’d have to ask your husband of 10 years. I think.

And in typical fashion she pulled a fk-you in the transaction. She said she was leaving them on the kitchen counter for me to pick up. When the kids and I dropped by, a few hours later they were nowhere to be found. I texted her.



So maybe she’s just forgetful. Maybe she’s busy. Maybe she’s discombobulated. But she’s also being a jerk. Is it passive aggressiveness  or just plain assholiness? I can’t decide.

I’m not looking to keep a tight leash on her or my kids. But I don’t block them from getting in touch with her, in fact I facilitate it. Oh well, we’re different animals with different styles.

I kinda like the response, “Damn yes sorry.” I might have to try that out. What I can tell you, is I am not waiting for her to change and be a different person. I did that for way too long. I’m a learning individual. I won’t be trying to change someone, or waiting for them to get a clue. Next time, this very next time, I’m gonna nip that impulse in me before it starts.


The Off Parent

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5 Responses

  1. Kat

    You know her better than any of your readers do and you are “in” the situation so maybe your interpretations are spot-on. As an outsider reading this, though, I have to wonder if you might be reading too much into this. I often don’t see a text when it first comes in if I’m in the middle of doing something at the time. I am also pretty forgetful about things like the situation you describe about the glasses simply because I’m in a rush as I’m leaving home and something out-of-the-ordinary will certainly slip my mind.

    Maybe she does do some of these things on purpose sometimes but I’m not sure that EVERY instance is passive-aggresiveness on her part.

    Three cheers for you, by the way, for always giving your kids access to the phone to be able to call her. My ex and I have never blocked the kids from calling the “other” parent when they are with us and now they are old enough to have their own phones to make these calls. (I don’t have a landline)

    May 25, 2013 at 8:01 am

  2. thewriter

    I wasn’t really pushing the obsession button about it. But it’s irritating. When she “somehow” doesn’t get the message to my kids. Oh well, soon my daughter will keep her phone with her and charged up. (Not sure I’m really looking forward to that time.)

    May 25, 2013 at 8:04 am

    • Kat

      LOL! My son is fourteen and his phone never leaves him. He is a texting king! My daughter is twelve and is starting to get into it too. Pretty soon, I’ll be surrounded my message alerts (help!) 🙂

      May 25, 2013 at 8:13 am

      • thewriter

        Yeah, she’s getting it. But it’s not an appendage like it is with my son. She’s 10 and he’s 12.

        May 25, 2013 at 8:23 am

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