The Feeling of Falling In Love: Your Online Dating Proposal
Here is my opening statement on a dating site out there on the interwebz. I am trying to express who I am and what I am looking for, in enticing and precise language.
I open this site with hope and a slight tingle of excitement? “Someone’s out there!”
A feeling I want to have is that of exhilaration. You cannot plan on or calculate the rush of a connection. But I am learning, as well, is that you can’t force it. When it happens we won’t have to think about it. Our mouths will simply form the words, “So what’s next?”
A little story. So I went on a first meeting date today. And things seemed to go well. Afterwards I txted this little metaphor. “Two dogs meet in a park. Either both dogs tails are wagging. Or one dog’s tail is wagging. Or neither dog’s tail is wagging. Simple mammalian mechanics. I was wagging.” Do you think that’s too strong? Well, she didn’t txt back. At least not in the 4.5 hours since lunch. No worries. I just wanted to cut to the chase, so to speak, so neither of us needed to wonder or WAIT WAIT WAIT the proper amount of time to respond. (Wasn’t an online date, so she’s not here.)
Let’s not be to precious about this “online” thing. I’d like to talk and meet not txt and chat. Don’t you think? Let’s be fearless in conversation, active in imagination, and warm in heart. Our conversations can be boundless or quiet, challenging or soothing.
Let’s grab coffee somewhere. It can just be a flyby “hello.” Dating comes after we’ve met and both say, “Hm… That’s something I’m interested in doing again.” Then we can walk, play tennis, swim, see a band, have a cup of coffee or glass of wine and see where the chemistry leads us.
That’s how I put forward myself in the online world. What do you think?
In my 50’s now for two months, I’m clear that we don’t have unlimited time on this planet. And putting up with someone’s bad behavior is not part of my plans. I did that when I was married. This time, this relationship, I’m looking for compatibility first. And my dating male friend says, “I notice how much laughter there is when we meet.”
“Yes. We should have fun right off the bat. Unforced. Easy.”
“Right,” he said. “But, I’m talking about *me* laughing. Is she making me laugh?”
Wow. Another indication I may be working it too hard, when I’m trying to be too charming, too funny, too intimate.
I WANT to be relaxed. Let the next LOVE relationship come to me. I’m working the online angle, but I’m NOT going to be working so hard to fix that compatibility. When it happens I hope it will sweep me off my feet and out of my head. (With one caveat: I will not compromise my two main requirements: 1. expresses and feels deep emotions; 2. is comfortable expressing her affection physically.)
It’s going to happen. Patience in the dating realm is hard. We want it NOW. We dont’ want to be alone any more. We can almost taste it. But if we try to hard we might manufacture an illusion of love, but we will miss the listening and responding to the other person’s queues.
I want her to make ME laugh. Yes, that’s a great meter.
The feeling of falling in love will surprise and amaze me, again. I know it.
And OKCupid asks the question like this.
What do you think about falling in love?
- “I want it very much.”
- “I like to let it happen.”
- “What is love?”
- “Love is overrated.”
Select the answer that most closely describes you.
The Off Parent
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- The Divorce Library (reading list)
- Songs of Divorce (free listening library – youtube sourced songs)
- Laugh It Off (building a resource library of funny videos and other diversions)
- Facebook (follow us on Facebook and keep up with all the conversations)
- The 5 Love Languages (a book on love styles by Gary Chapman)