Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

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this is not about her

OFF-purple[from a second wave – poetry]

in the brilliant purple top
her eyes are tired but happy
dreamy almost, as she contemplates
her coffee
her boyfriend
not me
noise canceling headphones
are piping in songs of loneliness
i’m not here for her
nor she for me
but there she is
with him between us
and a longing of memories
of a girl
once mine
with eyes that watered
with joy more than sadness
but that’s long ago
i’m not interested in that
repeating old poisons
and women who can’t
don’t know how
or won’t
dive down deep
to find the heart
something about her
the woman in purple
this morning
trips me up
gives me pause and flutter
even as her man is blocking my view
because it’s not about them at all
or the woman from long ago
it’s about me
this bottomless cup of coffee
and emptiness on a winter morning

11-30-14

she overtakes me

off-beautiful

[from a second wave – poetry]

i saw the girl smile
and i can’t think of anything
to make it go away
so i try
for a word
or two
to loosen her grip
and imagine
we are swimming
off the coast of spain
without wifi
or proper beds
we’ve got pineapples
and guitars
and all the sunshine we can take
it’s in this moment
that I know
now
not to settle
for anything
less
than full-on
joy
and a smile
that simmers my mind
any and every time

11-28-14

image: beautiful women, ray lopez, creative common usage

she is late, or missing, or lost

off-girl-night

[from a second wave – poetry]

it is not the kiss i miss
nor the hand in pocket
heart-shaped mind bending love
it’s all of it
everything
that’s missing
the bed of great size
still made up on one side
the coffee for one
and reading aloud to myself alone

she’s taking her own sweet time getting here
perhaps my notes are not making it through
or maybe i’m not ready yet
for the explosions in the sky
to rip smack the smile off my face
and leave me breathlessly chasing
every second together
and aching with anticipation
any time we’re apart

i’ve known love
felt the deepest ocean of loss
at just saying good-bye
as we leave for work
i want you to be my
be my

something’s broken this time
as the poetic and the authentic
are vastly distant realities
and this hole in my heart
is also a joy
a love that i long to give again
more than words
and love letters
more than aspirational longing

a love poem without a receiver
is an arrow shot into the night sky
hoping to bring down a star
exclaiming to god and the whispering trees
how love is good
and how i am ready
and she is late
or missing
or lost
somewhere

this night she is not reading love poems
she shines and sparkles with friends
while my missiles land around her
without voice or sound

i

ready

this

night

alone

and sharpening

each vowel

for impact

i let go yet another

11-26-14

image: new years 007, timber tank, creative commons usage

imaginary you

off-suenodeluz[from a second wave – poetry]

word word word and more words
ricochet around my mind
until sleep becomes an aspiration
of course it is you i reach for
with line and letter
of multiplying
romance
and hopeful promise
of imaginary you

11-26-14

image: sueño de luz, jesus solana, creative commons usage

before the transformation

OFF-wfm-train

[from a second wave – poetry]

and in the rush the throng the bustle
i love you more than ever
where ever you may be
in this blackest of all black fridays
so far from me at this moment
yet so close in flame and spirit
i am prepping myself for your arrival
with strengthening exercises and lip balm
making playlists for lovemaking
and perfecting breakfast routines
it’s no wonder, no mystery, why you’re hiding
the ache inside each of us
has not synchronized
the destabilization of our old lives
is still in progress
time before
and time after
your arrival

11-24-14