Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

Drifting Apart: The New Girl Becomes The Muse

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Woman With Potential Becomes The MuseShe went from “woman with potential” to being one of the “women with potential” to being the remaining woman, and only woman I was seeing during my summer of Every Other Saturday Night. And then something changed.

She went up East for a summer break, like she does every year. Before she left, we had a nice date with a walk a movie and dinner. It was a tender and nice evening. Several times she said, “I’m really going to miss you.” It felt good to hear these things. And I affirmed my lonely August as well.

And she was gone. We exchanged a few pings on Facebook. I even got a “I miss you,” message about a week before she returned home. And while I looked forward to her return, I was already reassessing the state of affairs.

So, if a woman doesn’t have a history of long-term relationships, in fact has a history of zero relationships, what does that tell you?

She even said, early on, “Maybe I’m using my daughter as an excuse not to date.”

But she was an aspirational beauty to me. So I cuddled and didn’t ask for more than a hug and peck as I left each date. I kept saying to myself, “I’m happy. It’s enough. She’s amazing.” And I kept leaving, wishing I understood what might tip the tenor of our romance into something sexual. At least a good run of kissing. But it never happened. And I never pressed.

I really wanted to ask her, “Don’t you sometimes just crave sex? What do you do when you feel that way?”

She arrived home and let me know she was back a few days later via a Facebook message. I wrote, “I’d love to see you, soon.”

And nothing.

She let me know via another Facebook message a few days later, that her schedule was crazy, that she was working on deadline and would be heads down for the next week. I got the message. It was flex. I was flex. It was no big deal.

But that was the point. I’d already resolved the miss from my side of the equation. If someone dates you for three months and nothing is happening sexually, even kissing, then… well, that’s probably the way they like it. It’s not a must-have for them. Or they’ve figured out a way to do without, to be self-sufficient and self-satisfied.

But I wasn’t wired that way. I wanted, I would’ve wanted, the girlfriend who was returning from a three week vacation away, to WANT to see me. To make a moment and event available to get together. I could’ve made a date happen. But I was clear in my mind that the New Girl had transitioned into The Muse. She was beautiful. She was cuddly and wonderful to take to an art opening or a movie. But she wasn’t really interested in an intimate relationship.


The Off Parent

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