Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

A Moment of Self-Care Might Be In Order

breaking up with your exI seem to be moving on, beyond the divorce. I know, if you’re a reader, you’ve been noticing more about love and dating and self-improvement, and I think that’s a good, evolutionary, thing. There’s a new  project, I’ve thought about for a long time, The Whole Parent, that may be ready for further exploration. Or maybe, the next LOVE, and how to go in, eyes open, as I did with GF #1, and develop that deeper connection, that adoration, that becomes love. I’d like to explore the “let’s be together forever” kinda feeling.

It is a happy and solid moment for me right now. Feeling like my D is receding a bit from my daily focus. Sure, the kids, and the money, are still a focus, but the ex-y has much less to do with my healing. She just is. Sure, she’s raised a ruckus about money, and that is probably the sole source of friction in my life, at the moment, but in general, I don’t pay much attention to her.

In the same way, I don’t pay attention to her, I don’t have to respond to all of her emotional outbursts. She has faded into the background noise, with people like mortgage collectors, and the cable company. They’re all going to get their money, before any damage is done. But they’re merely details. There is no emotional charge from Time Warner. And the ex-y may call for a jihad, but she’s really just expressing the same old distress that blew us apart. It’s not a crisis. It’s just business.

A word of wisdom from the old divorce recovery class, “You’re ex should be like a convenience store clerk. You go in and take care of your business, but you don’t necessarily need to know how their day was.”

The same may be happening here. I’m no longer that concerned with PAST and more interested in the FUTURE. I’m ready to explore what’s next.

And now, I think I need a retreat in nature. I’m not sure if it’s a sans-electronics (cause I write on this thing) but definitely a change of location for 5 days or so while the kids are traveling with the ex-y and her fiancé. (It’s bound to happen, they’ve been together now for 1.5 years, that’s longer than we dated before we got married, of course it hasn’t happened yet.)

I don’t know that you ever GET OVER your divorce. There are often moments that sneak up on you and remind you how much you lost. But mostly, for now, those are about the kids and not the ex-y. She was painting our relationship into a sterile glass box for over a year before I noticed the lack of oxygen, or touch, or compassion. She was already gone.

A friend from my divorce recovery class said it best, “At some point, ‘ugh’ will become ‘meh.'”


The Off Parent


2 Responses

  1. My first time here, so I don’t know how far you’ve gotten, but I can tell you I was divorced and have been remarried now for like 10 years and could not be happier. AND, now that I’m in my 40s, if I wasn’t remarried, I’d still be happy, because age really does help you appreciate the things that matter instead of clamoring for whatever you don’t have.

    If that’s any help!

    June 25, 2013 at 4:15 am

    • thewriter

      Thank you Amy. I’m three years in this August. I’m am happy and alone, which beats sad and alone by many miles. I got here through hard work, luck, and my inner sense of joy. I hope you stick around.

      June 25, 2013 at 7:09 am

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