Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

The Trick Is Not to Become Bitter – Signing the Papers

not to become bitter about divorceSigning the final documents of my divorce today I had a couple reflections on the process of moving on and maintaining a positive attitude.

First, the money that was transferred to me via SEP IRA accounts as an equalizer, since I gave her (the kids) the house, will be taxed at 20% which I knew, but I will also be hit with a 10% penalty. So, damn I just lost another 10% of my cash that I can use for buying another place to live. Not her fault.

loving everything about herSecond, as I was walking through Target to buy some new undershirts I was painfully aware of how much I miss the connection to a woman. I want to buy neat clothes, I want to look at the bras and imagine my woman in them, but at the moment there is no woman. Ouch!

Third, as Match.com and eHarmony continue to bring me less than exciting “matches” I have to be realistic with what I want. I won’t settle for just another woman. I won’t date for the sake of having sex. (Never have.) And I have to get myself in better shape to attract the type and style of woman I would like to spend time with. Again, not her fault.

So here I am, late 40′s pressing towards 50, and there are a lot of things fairly consistent about me. One of the things is my positive outlook. If I were holding on to the anger, or continuing to direct it at the ex-woman of my desires, I would only be doing myself a disservice. I do want her to be happy. Not that happy, but happy enough.

Today I am happy. I am missing my connection to the sexual energy of being around a woman. But I will have that again. And I can start with my own happiness first. And as I signed the order today “withholding” child support from my paycheck, I could only imagine how much easier it would be for me to have the money withheld rather than having to write the check every month. Yes, it’s a positive.

Sincerely,

The Off Parent

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2 Responses

  1. i obviously don’t know you as i just read your post on reddit tonight but, you sound at ease and peace. i can’t wait to have that wash over me. divorce is rough. not emotionally but just the process – so many forms, etc. remain at peace. find your true self again. you’ll get that woman. don’t worry. all the best to you!

    May 3, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    • thewriter

      Again, thank you Laura, for both your good wishes and your support. You will find your way as well. We all will, in our own way.

      May 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

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