Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

Posts tagged “women with potential

Tired of Kissin Frogs

girl of the summerAnd just like that: I’ve hit the opening of summer, alone.

All that potential stored up, and a little head cold that took me out of a potential date with the last remaining “woman with potential.” Oh well. Let’s re-assess.

1. OKCupid is dead. Once you go through and HIDE all the “no fkin way” matches there are about 8 women that are interesting. The one responder was fun, (SEE First Date Closure) but pursuit would’ve been an act of interest not inspiration. I don’t want interest. I don’t want kinda. I want fireworks.

2. Women with Potential. The overthinker has been removed. And the remaining woman, while AMAZING, is a slow mover. I’m taking the persistent but distant approach. She’s not been in a close relationship for many years. So moving anything along down that path with me will require time and patience. I’m fine with that. BUT… I’m back in farming mode. (Meaning, trolling OKCupid and generally opening up the universal box of wishes again.)

3. Self-Improvement. Probably the most important part of finding my next match is continuing to grow and build my own momentum. Over the last few weeks, stress and general business has led to less than stellar health routines. Less frequent walks, eating out a bit more than I would choose to, a Spring cold have all left me with a tad bit less energy and zip than I would like. On the creative side, however, I’m moving forward with some of my aspirational music plans and starting collaboration with a drummer to consider putting my live band back out in the clubs, locally.

4. Refining my roll. Cultivating my creative energy is critical to calling in the goddess of my dreams. If I’m not in full-bloom how will I attract a blooming beauty myself?

In this pause, I am returning to center. I don’t think I will pursue miss maybe from OKC. I’m going to stay home tonight rather than push so hard with “woman with potential.” There’s a relief at having a stay-at-home night. I’d prefer it to be WITH someone, but that’s still not in the plan.

I am tired. I’m going to leave the frogs in the swamp and not work so hard on finding her. I’m going to work harder on being the frog prince she might be looking for and taking care of my spiritual and creative needs so that I radiate with my passion.

It’s gonna be a hot Summer. And this is a marathon not a sprint. There’s no real hurry. And wouldn’t I really rather be with the NEXT ONE, rather than just SOME ONE?

At this moment, I feel the joy of being in a centered and emotionally content place.

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Concrete Bed – Nada Surf
“to find someone to love, you gotta be someone you love”


Here and Now: Touching Objects of Desire

kissing her neck

She’s talking and I can’t stop looking at her neck.

One of the women with potential is on the phone with me now (you can guess which one) and she’s talking talking talking about how much help she needs and how she doesn’t have time to get her stuff done. And she’s talking and talking. And I’m not that interested what she’s talking about. All this talking, no necking.

The OKC woman and I had lunch yesterday and I was watching her neck. I had a longing, as if I were a vampire watching the pulsing of her life. I could imagine the same pulsing when we were making love, this is the throat of orgiastic pleasure. She’s the one who sent me this text the day after we met for dinner.

thought you were gonna kiss me

I want to stop talking at some point. I want to be with someone and not have to talk about it. All the fking time.

There’s some talking that needs to happen, some goals and rules that need to be established. But if there’s no desire to kiss, it might be that there is very little kissing desire inside the person.

Case in point. I was with the OTHER woman of potential on Friday, during a window when both kids were away at friend’s houses, and we just hung out. But she was warm and touchable. She was close. She had cuddly all over her. Still no need to push in for kissing with her, but there was an implied closeness already. There was already touching.

If there’s no touching, it’s because TOUCH MIGHT NOT BE THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE, DUMMY.

Oh.

And the fact that woman with potential number one really needs me to help her with a lot of techie stuff… Well, it’s starting to make me a bit tired. IF it weren’t someone I already knew, and if she hadn’t been making the connection effort (she is) then she’d be a goner.

As it is, I’m already cooling a bit on her prospects. She REALLY reminds me of my ex-y. Things need to be just right, or fit some perfect form, or comply to her schedule and will… Nope. Not gonna do that again.

So I’m not cutting her off. But I’m beginning to expand my viewpoint again. And what if this new OKC woman was a kisser and then nothing? Well, that’s okay. I’m chilling a little on the only 100% or it’s a waste of time.

The OKC woman is not an artist. She’s very much into her gym and running. And she’s cute as the devil and really easy to be with. So what if she’s just a cute and easy, nice girl? Do they HAVE to be writers? Do they HAVE to share cerebral gymnastics, or linguistic karate?

I’m fascinated with the shape and vibrancy of her neck while she’s talking. We’re exchanging stories about exes and parents. And when we get the check she asks if she can pay. She’s made it quite clear that she makes good money and is happy supporting herself and her two dogs. And all I can think about is how it would feel to make her neck strain with excitement. I’m hungry, but we’ve just eaten. It’s a good feeling.

And she’s cute as a button. Cute. Fresh. Easy. And she’s asking me to kiss her. Um. Except in broad daylight. “It’s gonna have to be a night date,” she said, half seriously. She had also let me know, after the txt above that we would NOT be kissing in a restaurant or any other type of PDA. She simply wasn’t into it. Okay, that’s fine. But she asked me, “But dude, wth? Thought you were gonna kiss me but you didn’t.”

She’s moving things forward nicely.

Sincerely,

The Off Parent

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Finding Adoration

sex is spiritualBringing sex into the picture can really complicate things. And when it’s an animal drive rather than a move of adoration, it’s something else. I’m not looking for animal sex with someone I don’t crave. I want to make love, the next time, to someone I simply adore. That’s the highest form of connection and adoration I can give. And I want to feel the loop going both ways. Like a circuit; there is a connection that lights up both people.

I was listening to a Doyle Bramhall II song in the car today when the lyric hit me.

You and me, we’ll wait to see the day come down.
Don’t go, sit here girl, let’s have a drink and watch the day come down.

Something about the longing in his voice and knowing that this record was a victory lap on his marriage to Lisa Melvoin, (of Wendy and Lisa fame) just struck me as appropriate. I want to watch the day go down with a woman, just be. Time together being relaxed and not pressured to do anything.

And then I imagine the sex becomes part of the passion and adoration that grows between us.

It seems to me, I’ve been trying to hard to FIND a girl friend. And what I learned yesterday, having a couple of hours hanging with the MIA woman with potential, was: it really is about the quality of the time together. The “feeling” you get. The unstoppable glow that wants to be fulfilled through the ultimate act of intimacy.

Sex is a spiritual act. And engaging in it should be a form of beauty and expression. When it becomes mechanical, or there’s a hint of boredom or duty, it’s done. I aspire to actually make love next time I’m with a woman. And until then “friends” are just fine. Now, kissing… That’s a bit less intimate and should be an indicator of the sensuousness in the relationship. But the intention should be there as well. So woman with potential might be over thinking, or she might just be really spiritual and going slow.

100% or just don’t waste your time.

Sincerely,

The Off Parent

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+++ a Doyle Bramhall II song, live from my home town. The woman on the left, singing is Lisa, Doyle’s wife at the time, now divorced. Wendy is playing bass.