Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

Posts tagged “poem of desire

she surrounds me now

OFF-wfm-missing

[from strange horizons poems]

i’m going to sit here until i believe again
in honey and yogurt and girls
i’ve got plenty of italian bubbly water
with a hint of lemon
and wifi and a plug
so i’m good
but of course i’m not good
i had this moment
where everything came together
and love and god and everything appeared right
and now what, now where is everyone who loves me
in this passing throng there is love
in the eyes and patchouli laden scarves there is hope
she
she
she
might be nearby
she is probably puttering along somewhere
not to far away
i hope she is happy
but not too happy, i hope she’s looking for
someone
an ache of joyous proportions
that might bring us together
as the next year has dawned
and the rain has stopped
and even the chill has pulled back for a perfect night
and i’m here
contemplating
something sinful
chocolate or
i don’t know
it’s not some *thing* i want
it’s her
i can see pieces of her
as the happy couples stride by
hair
shining eyes
a smile and a laugh with arms hooked together
oh sure
i’ve known love
and birth
and death
i’ve felt it all
and tried to leave tiny trails of words or songs behind
so i might pick up the pieces at a later time
as if
even as i had it
i was aware that it could be
and it was
lost

something has survived
an idea
a hopefulness
i’ve always come back to every situation
on the flip side
opening up
attempting the repair
and tonight
i suppose
that peace needs to be made with myself
and the heart that beacons and beats
in some rhythmic cadence
of verse chorus verse chorus bridge chorus out
in two and a half minutes
i can make you fall in love
the hope, is with me, but i’m not picky
nor hopelessly romantic
far from it
the passionate vibes are being broadcast on all channels
laser hot and direct
only… there’s no focus
at the minute
at this minute
i am not tracking well
i claim to be listening, but i’m preoccupied with something else
a downward glance at myself
and the ideal i have in mind
i’m more flexible with her
she could come in many variations
i see that here, tonight
i have vast tastes in women
imaginary women, that is
up close i tend to overestimate beauty
or is it underestimate
i’m more joy-driven
more aligned with a spark of creativity
and flash of brilliance
and even in these words
i refind my path forward
she’s around
and busy with something else
at the moment
me too

1-3-15


easy escape for us

off-strangebeach

[from strange horizons poems]

let’s meet a new girl
and do some new things
find a new roll
open up some new veins
like a jazz song
in the middle of the night
when the music is so good
you can’t help but dancing
let’s do that together
see where it takes us
and find a weekend
drive to the beach
feel the heat and sand
crisp rough white sheets
and mediocre coffee
waking up your eyes
and our smiles
yes
let’s

12-4-14


this is not about her

OFF-purple[from a second wave – poetry]

in the brilliant purple top
her eyes are tired but happy
dreamy almost, as she contemplates
her coffee
her boyfriend
not me
noise canceling headphones
are piping in songs of loneliness
i’m not here for her
nor she for me
but there she is
with him between us
and a longing of memories
of a girl
once mine
with eyes that watered
with joy more than sadness
but that’s long ago
i’m not interested in that
repeating old poisons
and women who can’t
don’t know how
or won’t
dive down deep
to find the heart
something about her
the woman in purple
this morning
trips me up
gives me pause and flutter
even as her man is blocking my view
because it’s not about them at all
or the woman from long ago
it’s about me
this bottomless cup of coffee
and emptiness on a winter morning

11-30-14


before the transformation

OFF-wfm-train

[from a second wave – poetry]

and in the rush the throng the bustle
i love you more than ever
where ever you may be
in this blackest of all black fridays
so far from me at this moment
yet so close in flame and spirit
i am prepping myself for your arrival
with strengthening exercises and lip balm
making playlists for lovemaking
and perfecting breakfast routines
it’s no wonder, no mystery, why you’re hiding
the ache inside each of us
has not synchronized
the destabilization of our old lives
is still in progress
time before
and time after
your arrival

11-24-14


almost probably dreaming you

OFF-mel-view[from a second wave – poetry]

and there you were
plain as day
standing before me
dripping wet with the ocean
sparkles behind through the window
i could taste the salt
hear the gulls and surf
and nearly
almost probably
dreaming
of
touching
again

11-13-14

image: tease from a friend, anonymous


here we are

OFF-couple[from a second wave – poetry]

many styles of women
so many shapes and smiles
sitting, chatting, texting nearby
with or without tech or partner
they are swarming around me
well, around the coffee, actually
but they are close
leaving trails of joy
with hand gestures
meant for others, perhaps
yet here we are
so close
engaging in momentary eye lock
and gone
and here comes another
and i am happy
joyous and fulfilled

11-11-14

image: couple holding hands while one naps, the author, cc 2014


fall window

off-fall-window[from a second wave – poetry]

out the window all i can see
is the places where you are missing
the changing of the weather
and reaching for warmth in the cold night
the early darkness
descending on my days of sunshine
i hope the world is happy where you are
and that you don’t feel the sting
of this fall evening
the smell of smoke fires
and the light
that no longer finds your eyes

11-9-14


maybe tomorrow

off-tennis-skirt[from a second wave – poetry]

for a minute
today
it felt like
everything might
fall
into place
for me
she was willing
we had a time
place
date
fresh cans of tennis balls
and as the hour
neared the storm clouds
blustered my mood
but didn’t dampen
either of our spirits
just the courts
“it’s wet” she texted
i wish she had been
talking about something
else
i missed the message
i arrived
to puddles
and her smile
“we’ll try again”
i asked
“how about thursday”
and more smiles
as she swished off
on her bike
into the storm
“sure”
shouted over her
shoulder
and tennis bag

11-4-14

image: nike tennis skirt, promo shot


cherish is the word

OFF-professor-plum[from a second wave – poetry]

i cannot diminish your brilliance
as i sweep in underneath for support
and gentle caring
i leave no trace
nothing but air
and a pillowy feeling
in your chest
i swim in this air with you
and adore your moves
smiles
grins
even your moments
let me never forsake this beauty
in this moment
you are
the
priority
may you always feel this way
and me continue
cherishing

11-3-14

image: professor plum evolved, the author, cc 2014


a step towards you

[from a second wave – poetry]

if we don’t step towards one anotherreaching-OFF
we will never get closer
if the connections are all jammed
with other stuff, obligations, chores
it is hard to find the language
between us
if there is anything
between us

so let me put a foot forward
in your direction
just to say hello
is there a coffee moment
in our futures
that could be fruitful and delicious

i’m going to put a moment
in the asking
and reach out
with
no
expectations
because
there are none to have
yet

11-1-14

image: let your reach exceed your grasp, scott swigart, creative commons usage


take action

[from a second wave – poetry]

take actionwfm-takeaction
the yoga girl is leaving the building
all dating sites are down
and i’m sitting here
earbuds and bubbly water
wishin, hopin, thinkin,
i’d make a good snuggle bunny
with shea butter and coconut
and moves that make me blush
recalling how much i’m out of practice

i can still smell her
the last one
i would fall back into her arms
if harms way was not right after
there’s no going home again
once the ship has been burnt
and sailed
and
nothing
i’ve got
nothing

as she glides effortlessly by
down and away
with not a nod or side glance
a girl like that
she’s going home to someone
she’s eating organic
she’s doing yoga
she
is a figment of my peripheral vision
i nearly catch a glance of something possible
and it know it’s my
issue
all this longing
and words
and l e t t e r s

take action
i tell you
this sitting
writing
pining
is
not
working
and it’s not part of the plan
either
get up
get out
get going

10-29-14

image: take action at wfm, the author, cc 2014


easy surrender

OFF-parisatnight[from a second wave – poetry]

the poem about paris and madrid didn’t come tonight
the music felt right
but the evening just seemed to be about something else
anything but another love poem
or something about desire and longing
good grief
haven’t we hit stride yet
hasn’t someone, anyone, arrived
after all the messages i’ve been leaving behind
broadcasting
singing
i’d put up smoke signals if it wouldn’t get me arrested

any new moment, any new dream
is now sort of boring
i’m tired of love poems and epiphanies
i’ve exhausted my quiver of arrows
i want to lie down now
next to her
have her say nothing
and me
too
silent

10-27-14

image: paris 240, jeremy thompson, creative commons usage


where you are not

lost-bill-OFF

[from a second wave – poetry]

somewhere somewhere anywhere
you are
i am not
and i wish i had a clue
to your location
and state of mind

in this somewhere where i am
i am missing something essential
like a mineral or nutrient
or warmth
i see images, films, fantasies
but i haven’t found my way
my self
my footing

i believe i have clues
potentials
i know i have nothing
it’s a feeling
an emptiness
and this moment
makes it clear

this
here
where you aren’t
where you could be
if the clues were simpler

it is not simple
here
peaceful
easy
feeling
and
not feeling

here

10-21-14

image: still from Lost In Translation


burning up in prayer

OFF-organic-girl[from a second wave – poetry]

she’s probably here
in the organic grocery store
if i could just send up a flag
rebroadcast my tinder beacon
if she were receiving my vibe
indications are that she is not
but i search amidst the kale
and organic bubble bath
what, you don’t drink the water
breathe and release
smile in joy smile out hunger
i’ve survived like this for years
at a time
many years, even when married
or in a relationship
i have adapted my wants and needs
i’ve sublimated almost all of myself
and grown a bit more relaxed with myself
i still have my ambitious moments
and I reach for a star
and today i’ve learned
to give back the outcome
to release the hopes again
like embers of a fall bonfire
and on perfect nights
i can lose myself
and i can no longer tell
which is dream, and distance
and for a time long ago
and which are heat and light
burning up in prayer

10-19-14


actively waiting in your absence

emily-blunt[from a second wave – poetry]

i’m just sittin here watchin the world
go round an round in search of
coffee
seeing these lovelies
before their excitable jolt
and then seeing the transformation
it’s a parade
at 7 am
in a ritzy part of town
with high heels
lulus
working non-working
moms girls women ladies yoginis
and i have the catbird’s seat
by the cooler
with an eye to the pastries
and imaginary lovers
as they stream by

wouldn’t it be amazing if she smiled
rather than looked so serious
wouldn’t it be cool to not be looking
to be curled around my someone
rather than scouting for potentials

since losing you
it’s been a bitch
things don’t feel quite right
but
it’s clear it’s not you i’m missing
sorry
it’s the skin
the soul
the kisses

for now, i have this
i have a women in a perfect tennis outfit
a bit rushed
she must have a court time
nearby
she must be a goddess
or a fitness instructor

i can’t fall in love
really
with a dream
with a passing leg or strong-arm
i’m not attracted to the convertible
she came in on
but i do fall into hair
of all lengths and colors
and the pull of desire
to bury my face the damp garden
of magic smells and warmth

i’ve been alone for too long
i can tell when my chemistry is faltering
i need a hit of something
someone

and yet
i don’t want any of these women
i don’t know anymore
what criteria to use
or what measure of the soul

a body
in motion
is a beautiful thing
but it loses its gloss
when the light inside is dim
or diminished by anger
or too much pride
too fine a dress or heel

but without her
i know i am a shell
or a snake
in deadly wait state
ready to strike
against the glass of my cage
before i know
if i am predator or prey
i lie in wait
actively
seeing
seeking
and
arriving at patience again
now

and now

10-14-14


of course i think about you

[from a second wave – poetry]

i want you to danceheadoverheals-off
to feel
express
every
single
l. e. t. t. e. r.
words to sounds to body

6-16-13

image: head over heels, courtney carmody, creative commons usage


eager for the game

tennis-non-john

[from a second wave – poetry]

i fell in love today 101 times
she’s not amazing or anything
but she’s playing tennis
and i’ve discovered that I love her
every time i return to the back of the line
and i look at her smile
and lulu-fit skirts

something occurs to me
as i’m falling in love
for the 73rd time
she’s just a woman
playing tennis

sure she’s young
she’s pretty and fit
and athletic
but it’s her inside out forehand that gets me

i’ve become aware
on the 84th time i fall in love
that it must be more about me
the smell of the fall air
and the thwack of the balls
that has me
head over heels

on the 98th time
i fall in love
class is almost over
and i’m aching to understand
if there’s something more to it
or if she could also be participating

i ask her a question
she is wonderful
happy, distracted, and…
just a young woman
playing tennis
on a fall afternoon

i am still in love
and will return on friday
to see if she’s as eager
for the game
as i am

10-8-14


bella

OFF-tanlines

[from a second wave – poetry]

she was tan and fit and blonde
and too young
not really my type
but she was holding a tennis racket
as she passed i smelled Mexico
like a fantastic hotel room
breeze blowing in through the curtains
and the sand and ocean still on us
making love on a tired afternoon
burned from the close sun
smiles, tan lines, and laughter

10-6-14

image: tan, emergency break, creative commons usage


strength and softness

OFF-coffeeeshop-2

 [from a second wave – poetry]

i see the smile
the mosquito bites on her back
the back of strength and softness
and desire moving away from me
and she waits
she stops and sips her coffee
turns and smiles at me
or the barista
it’s hard to tell from here
and it doesn’t matter
as the flutter has begun
it’s mine and mine alone
she is gone before she notices
anything about me
still she is smiling
in my mind
in my heart
of hopefulness

9-29-14

image: at starbucks, lokate366, creative commons usage


are you the one who passes by

OFF-girlpassing

[from a second wave – poetry]

are you the one who passes by
missing the gifts and glitter
i am tossing in your direction
are you the sadness i’ve lost
the thrill i imagine
the poem i keep writing
hoping
over and over
that you will

finally

show up

are you the one who shows up
and leaves the next morning
or even before the kissing has begun
and can you feel what as been left behind
have you any idea
what a chemistry like ours
what few chances we have
at this
this
this
this small moment
as we touched and parted
when you kissed and left
crushed, crushing, crush

i knew you were gone
before i had a chance to believe
you had actually arrived
and the things that changed
of course things always change
but these things seemed big
certainly bigger than us
bigger than a few days of electricity
and it was a pattern
it was a failure of the system
it was timing again
working away from our goals
and slipping us a little tongue
only to pull back and away
and gone

are you the one who passes by
missing

so much

missing

and missing
so much

9-23-14

image: student walking by, susan sermoneta, creative commons usage


joy or i’m gone

OFF-bubbly

[from a second wave – poetry]

twenty women walk into the upscale coffee shop
i am noticing what is attractive to me
fitness, beauty, swagger
or is it what’s radiating or not radiating
from within
you can see joy a mile away
a feeling that’s coming off the happy ones
is dramatically missing from those
less joyful
and that’s more important than the fitness
underneat the lululemons
or the Porsche she parked just outside
shining and waxed in the sunlight
almost painful to look at
in brilliance, power, and lust
i am free here
to look
comment
imagine
and drink my Italian sparkling water

8-23-14


the less i say

OFF-less-said[

[from a second wave – poetry]

the less i say
the more mysterious i become
but mystery is not my objective
illumination and light
are what draw me in
if i reveal too much
show my romantic side
i risk frightening you
i don’t know what that feels like
but i can imagine
and i can crave the same reflection
pulsing back at me
in waves of desire
and song
both expressed and telegraphed
through touch and taste
still we remain apart
quiet
distant stars
still connected by gravity
and the tides of our hearts
there is no accelerating this dance
without risk of injury
or loss of limb
please keep your hearts
inside the cabin at all times
and don’t hesitate to call
if you have questions

6-19-14

image: dark wave, elena lagaria, creative commons usage


as i imagine

[from Making Love To Other Women – poetry]

this is the place I pour out all the things i hope to give
i have lost the receiver
my words and hopes and dreams are vapors
and my own enjoyment is the lonely result

and if she came
and if she awakened
as i imagine

these songs and rhymes would trace a new angle
like the curve of a hip
the redness of a lip, or a smile, or a touch

this is the place i sing to the future
to the moment that must come
with all this chanting and praying
and beating around the bush
surely a quarry will be flushed into the open

and i will be surprised
and she will leap away
and I will pursue

for now this will have to suffice
she is not here
she has not yet arrived
in my field
of vision
but i see her
as clearly as if my life depended
or her life depended on a magical kiss
to tear away the slumber and sadness

this is the place i pause and seek and dance
i await the receiver
to bring flesh to these letters
heart to these imaginings
touch to these fingers

and if she came
and if she awakened
as i imagine

9-5-13

as i imagine


burning

off-desire-sun

[from Misconfigurations of Love – poetry]

my desire is the sun
burning away all lukewarms, maybes, and almosts
there is no time for that
the heat and growing potential is staggering
and hot hot hot

8-28-13