Divorce, Single Parenting, Dating, Sex, & Self-Recovery

organic sweetness

OFF-savasana[from a second wave – poetry]

i can see it in your eyes when i say hello
i’ve already done too much
i’m not your type
i’m too old, fat, conservative, square, something
or is it you
jaded
unhappy
unwelcoming
i can’t tell
the smile whipped of my face like a slap
as you looked beyond me
into “men”
and your experience of us, them, me
i’m okay being a ‘no’
but do you have to give a twist of the knife

this simple theater of the sexes
we play everyday
she’s trying to look good
but not interested in being appreciated
what then?
for her eyes only?
for the eye of her mate, or potential
perhaps the glare is a defense mechanism
i’m taken
my boyfriend
don’t touch
don’t ask
don’t tell

i’m learning to keep my appreciations in my head
instead of smiling and giving smiles away
if it’s a threat, i’d rather stay mute

is that what we’ve become
as we wonder around the organic food store
little universes, or attack ships
warding off all incoming
incoming
anything
that’s not what or who we want

i can’t stop
can i
passing this gladness around
it’s my nature
i’m not trolling or fishing
i’m just happy
i’m expressing my “hellos” out loud

we’ve got defector shields up
and dating profiles on
and we’re filtering each other quickly
effortlessly with a swipe or a yes
and in real life
are we starting to do the same thing
yes, no, no, no, no, maybe
are we cutting our kindness and communication
for fear of giving the wrong signals

i get it
we’re like predators
always on the hunt
and you are a tasty treat
that much is obvious
regardless of your angry glance

but i am no hungry for youth or attitude
i’m not prowling and pouncing
in this jungle of juice, apples, and hand lotion
i’m just here
looking for sustenance
appreciating a form or two
forking up some kale salad
and a sparkling italian water
with citrus flavoring

don’t you wonder what the “natural flavor” is
if there’s something more natural or unnatural about it
and I wonder that about you, for a second
as you pass your glance and scowl across me
natural, unnatural, organic, or commercially processed
and from the lulus you might appear to be a yogini
but there’s very little zen
in your upper class attitude
the designer leggings fit nicely
but the real creamy center
the part you’re supposed to be working on
in savasana
appears to be sour

i pass
i dream
i smile all the time
at old, young, pretty, and all
it’s my nature
it’s not about you
or your fantastic form
and the hollow mantra you must be chanting

10-18-14

image: savasana, amy, creative commons usage

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