Becoming the Frog Prince Rather Than Kissing Frogs
I am learning that it’s a lot more than a beautiful body and pretty face that gets my motor running. In fact, all of that, absent some higher connection, still causes me to look elsewhere. Certainly it’s the initial attraction, like shopping, that perks my interest, but it takes a lot more for me to want to continue the conversation.
I am learning that my time alone is my most valuable resource. When I’m depressed this resource is a horror and not a benefit. But when my creative juices are firing on all cylinders, there is nothing better than finding my work completed by lunch and the yaw of the afternoon staring at me.
So I’ve taken my “dating” process to that same high-level of assessment. If it’s just a “huh,” and not a “wow” there’s no real reason to continue the conversation.
I’ve been lonely before. And that’s a bitch. Then the absence of touch becomes like a painful skin condition. The ache for connection is so high, I believe, our standards of judgement go way down. This is the mode where people revert to porn, craigslist, or going out to get laid. I’ve never been in the market for the second two.
In courting the “woman with potential” I am reminded how long it has been since she has been in a relationship. I know how easily the open and unstructured time becomes a requirement of satisfaction. That can prove difficult if you are looking to find the time to be *in relationship.* So I breathe and I know patience.
Reflecting back, it’s been a year and a half since my first outing on OKCupid. And I’d have to say, that my ONE relationship shice divorce was due to OKC. Two of my additional liaisons happened via Facebook. But nothing has satisfied my search. And that’s okay.
I was sitting in this same organic grocery store awaiting the arrival of my first OKC date, and I was observing my own likes and dislikes as I watched the throng of women coming in. I didn’t know much about this woman I was meeting, it was one of the early accelerated meetings where the moment outweighs the thinking. I was noticing about 25% of the women entering the store were within my range of acceptable beauty. I was actually kind of happy about that number, noticing that I had a wide range of preferences.
Today, I wondered out loud, “Maybe my most creative and happy state is in this revved up energy of pursuit.” The longing and heartbreak and open-ended afternoons, lend themselves quite well to my artistic production. At this moment I am writing songs, poems, stories and feeling more rested and energized than any time in my life. I am actualized, right now. And still I am alone.
I’m hoping that the untethered state is not a condition of my happiness and poetic prowess. Certainly I am in the wooing mode. I am trying to become more attractive. I am trying hard to become a frog prince.
The Off Parent
< back to On Dating Again index
- Little Turnoffs: On a First Date with a Woman
- Aqua y besos: How Do We Gain So Much Energy from Love?
- The Sensual and the Sexual
- What’s the Worst That Could Happen?
- Top 5 First Date Tips for Women
- The Divorce Library (reading list)
- Songs of Divorce (free listening library – youtube sourced songs)
- Laugh It Off (building a resource library of funny videos and other diversions)
- Facebook (follow us on Facebook and keep up with all the conversations)
- The 5 Love Languages (a book on love styles by Gary Chapman)